Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Photo-Feature Mini!: MEEEDIIIC!

The most beloved of all men is the Medic: for he is not a killer of men, but a healer. His medi-gun bestows much-needed healing to those in need, streaming coloured energy and floating medi-crosses. So benevolent! So pacifistic! Surely no man would harm a Medic.

Well. One, people are kind of mean sometimes. So that's one reason that medics get shot at so very aggressively. (See, for an example: this.)

But why else would one shoot a medic; even one healing the foe?

This feature will try to address those burning questions; quickly, efficiently, and uselessly, as with all these photo-features. As follows:

REASON ONE: The needle-gun. Shoots a stream of syringes at the foe, filled with who-knows-what, to make them filled with pain and sometimes death. There's a reason that bullets are more popular - the syringes aren't really all that effective as a weapon - but they can still kill. (As above.)

The weapon actually shown above is the upgraded version, which we might term "reason one-point-five": the Blutsauger, or "bloodsucker". It heals the medic as his syringes hit. (Somehow.) Significantly more effective, and rather rude. If you start getting hit by drain-o-needles, it really is imperative on you to shoot back!

REASON TWO: The bonesaw. Hacks, cleaves, kills. A melee weapon - and thus largely ineffective in a gun-fight - but if you are caught at close quarters by a blood-spattered man waving a bonesaw around, again, you are going to probably want to shoot him. Unless he is a friendly blood-spattered man waving a bonesaw around. In that case, you will probably want to back away slowly. This is a good plan.

As with the first screenshot, the weapon depicted above is actually the upgraded bonesaw - the UBERSAW. (Those men on the internet who kill me - why are they never wielding the weapons I want them to? For purposes of illustration?) The ubersaw is like the bonesaw, but 25% slower. Oh! Also, it increases the ubercharge-meter by 25% with every hit. (The bonesaw does not affect the ubercharge-meter at all.)

What is the ubercharge-meter? Why, it determines when the UBERCHARGE may be unleashed, of course. (I've mentioned it before.)

You know. This.

REASON THREE: If you do not shoot at the nice man who is healing your enemies, not only will your enemies be healed (making them much harder to kill), but they will also be - occasionally - invincible.


The fellow above is - as with pretty much all of my uber-screenshots - "doing it incorrectly". You see, the ubercharge is deployed by the medigun - the heal-gun mentioned at the beginning. It renders both the holder of the medigun, and the heal-target of the same, invincible for the duration of the ubercharge.

The medic pictured is running around with an ubersaw. An ubersaw is not a medigun, which means that the medic is not invincible by his own power, which means that someone else is burning their precious, precious invincibility to allow another medic to run around with a saw in the middle of a battle.

It is kind of funny, but it is probably a poor strategic decision.

Anyway! Three reasons to kill enemy medics:

1) They are not noncombatants! They shoot people with syringes. Ow!

2) They are not noncombatants! They carve people up with saws. OW!

3) They make the enemy invincible from time to time!

Reason 3) seems a bit weaker, perhaps. That is all right.


(P.S.: This photo-feature is a "mini" version because it only has three screenshots. Why? Because all my screenshots come from pictures of the people who killed me, and medics do not do that much killing.

Their invincible bully-boys do the killing for them.



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