The Fuzzy Walls of Doctor Montgomery

They are pretty thick, but with holes in them.

This is a problem when the elephants come through.

"Stop them, walls!" cries Doctor Montgomery. But his walls do no such thing! They've got too many holes in them!

Doctor Montgomery vows to devise an improvement upon these "fuzzy walls". He labours in his laboratorium for hours on end, hunting for a way. Then he has it -

"Beards!" he cries. "Beards will solve my problems!"

The admirable Doctor has his revelation at last - but with it come new problems. For, you see, clever and wise as he is, the Doctor has no beard.

How can he get one?

Deceit!

So now he roams the campus at night, scissors in hand. He climbs up walls and into windows, and whenever he sees a beard - snip-snip-snip! Slowly, his collection grows - but he's never quite enough beard!

So if you wake up one morning, sans-beard, sans-the-pride-of-your-manhood*, you know just the devil to blame:

Doctor Montgomery - ever in search of beards to fix his fuzzy walls!

(Don't feel angry at him. Remember, he needs those beards to stop the elephants. It's only fair.)

*If you're not a man, then... I don't know. Maybe he takes your hair...? I think this post was really not meant for you, hypothetical female reader.** There are plenty of posts that are fine for persons of any gender! But this one is only for beards.

I mean men.

**Not that this blag doesn't have female readers - it's that I'm not referring to any specific one.