txt ptry

(Part of an assignment for class that I thought would be interesting enough to blaggify.)

Sent by Jerome D..

Version 1:

I've been looking at the railing outside the Computer Science building lately. It's a long ramp, pretty shallow, probably for wheelchair use. But the problem is, one, it's the only way into the building from that side (unless you want to go into the basement and use the elevator!), and two, it's bent backwards - the ramp goes along the side of the building, in exactly the wrong direction from the only one I ever want to go in. So, okay, I just have to climb the goddamn ramp and jump off if I want to get where I'm going without going along the whole length of the thing, twice. No big deal. It's about three, four feet tall. But here's what gets me: there's a metal railing on the corner - tall enough to make climbing over it, from one side or another, take even longer than walking around it is! What's the point? Afraid that someone's going to break their neck from a three-foot fall? It's so goddamn phony, Phoebe - probably designed by a bunch of phonies in their phony suits and phony ties - it just kills me, that's all.

Version 2 (what I'll turn in):

Hrs wt rly gets 2me
that rmp @ ebu3
its 2 lng & nt so hi
nds a rail if u fall u dnt die
the rail mns u cnt gt off & of crs thrs no str
wt dmn phonies said ndd 2b thr

(bonus blag-only bit):
i tll u feebe
it jst klls me.

Gloss of Version 2 (this will also probably be turned in):

Here's what really gets to me
that ramp at EBU-3
It's too long and not so high [that it]
needs a rail[ing] [so] if you fall, you don't die
The rail[ing] means you can't get off* and of course there's no stair*
what damn phonies said [it] needed to be there[?]

(bonus bit, over 160 character limit):
I tell you, Phoebe,
it just kills me.

*The cause of the narrator's irritation is a ramp - a handicapped ramp, basically - that provides the only entrance to a building, EBU-3. It's a long ramp, it goes along the building in the opposite direction from that in which the narrator generally wishes to go (so that he has to retrace his path next to the ramp, in the other direction, every time he uses it), and it has a railing blocking off the corner, which would otherwise be a perfect jump-off/climb-on point to avoid the longer walk around.

It's a pretty minor thing to complain about, but that's the narrator for you.

Exaggerated from a passing thought this author had earlier today, then turned into doggerel. My favourite kind of verse.

The Game Design Process: A Serious of Sonnets

The Inspiration

As any game designer worth his steam
Will jump at any chance he has to say,
A game without an underlying theme
Is doomed to be ungood, to our dismay.
A game without a purpose, void of drive,
Is loath to make a gamer shed a tear.
To make him crack a smile, to derive
A sentiment of happiness or fear.
As such, I tried to find some kind of hook,
Within a set of self-imposed constraints
(Because although it's hard to fill a book,
It's easy when one has but finger paints).
A game involving squares should be a breeze!
I can portray and program them with ease.

The Hook

When squares and code collide, they fashion Life.
In any simple game, I jump on blocks.
To bring the two together would be rife
In ways to speed our brains' internal clocks!
But why, if this idea has been thought
(For no idea truly is unique)
Is it that there's no version that's been brought
To the attention of my local clique?
The obvious conundrum with the game
Is cells' invasion of our hero's space.
Ideally, one wouldn't need to claim
A victor in this conflict, to erase.
Since cells are up, down, left and right confined,
Perhaps they should move in from the behind.

The Complications (blank verse so that i can say "blank verse")

To have the cells/blocks/cellblocks to approach
Instead of popping in within a snap
Allows the player plenty lot more time
To jump to safer spots within the grid.
But what if players don't get there on time?
The block will push them off off the structure, natch.
They'll not get stuck! They'll fall onto their death.
Not nice, perhaps, but not impossible.
"But sir, your game of two dimensions has
Been swapped with one with two point five or three!
Does not a sliding block require tricks
Of programming and user interface?"
As adding depth would complicate the game,
All sliding blocks are treated as fall-through.

To be continued. Happy 1000th!

spring: a poem in four quartos

from: a collection of poems
by e. p. q. Kessler

Part Ⅱ

so you were on a promenade

on the path

and you encountered a tree

and you asked it

"why are your branches so tall"

and it said

"such that my fruits may not be reached by the lesser peoples"

and you said

"but who are the greater peoples"

and it said

"the squirrels"

Part Ⅰ

I walked along the pavement

it felt cool and hard

and i stumbled and fell

and as I arose I sau a grant tree

and I said to it

"whey are your brances so tall"

and it saide

"because so my furet can be teller and the best

people can reach it"

"ghey"

"but who are the best people"

"the squirrels"

Panda

There lived a panda in a bamboo tree.
It was quite small, and loathed by all its kin,
From passersby it would extort a fee.
For this its excuse was rather too thin,
though it offered protection, none saw threat!
with fire and spear the pandas came down,
through their yowling strikes the robber's end met,
and his plunder taken to funkytown.
In it the pandas spent their reclaimed loot,
Fearing to keep it, for it's evil's root!

The Paradox of an Avian Salivum

I can see a small bird in a tree
And the worm that it holds in its beak.
And I watch as it swallows it down
And regurgitates mush to its kin.
And I wonder why my (human) spit
Is not stored in the Registry for
Toxic Substances (also Disease).

Is it due to the fact that, in the absence of proper hydration, saliva takes on the same consistency as snot?

Pwnzorred

The fool that was nikolas can not match
the skill
with which one takes a hold and shoves

now he lies in a puddle, in his comfortable house
watchin' the things

paile oop
in th' ocean

then nikolas deci'ed to go an' visit an ol' mann
an' th' sea

an' soo 'ee waen'

an' 'e broo' 'is fis'n' pool'
n' it brou'è

n' th'n ni'ö'as
ee' diè'd süo'ènl'y

t'''n'

nikolas the aqa

If a nikolas go to asty then let them rotしたら…
if nikas of atla go to antelaasra:
then let them
because nikolas is じゅうううううううう
です
and
he lived in 卒業
です
FURTHERMORE
ニコラス　ニコラス　ニコラスさんのためにどうすればいいだの？
辛い辛い辛い
明日ニコラスが死にました
だけど
ニコラスはnever ever saw them coming
なぜならin the blackest nightに来たから
知りたい
生きたい
デデデデデデス
今から
卵まで
WILL A WOMON EVER COME?
いつも待っています。日も夜も寂しそうit was
要る要る要るnow and forever
一ヶ月以前だかもしれません。
今今今
歴史の教室の外に立っていました。
高校完了だった。

one nikolas for the pile

nikolas what are you made of
nikolas made of
little
THINGS.

nikolas went down to the wintergreen and ordered
and foool

the end

nikolas then died
and found
love

the end

Nikoals the Wanderer

Nikolasuad was bourne in a smalle towne in the farre easte, where there wausse indeede a greate famyne, and there wasue a courne, and nikolas did go into the cayve to fetche itte, and the towne rejoicces, and yea, it wausse goode.

And they sang a song of nikolas:

Nikolas wausse a sillie little fellowe

and he lyved in the foreste amonge

the nymphes and the sprytes, and the elfes

and he often pransed arounde the trees

which wausse where he fertylysed them

with his bodilie fluides

and yea it wausse goode

Niuklase

Niuklase was a poor man
Who lived in a
Small cottage by the lake
Where mists swirled by
And broke through
The rafters of the dwelling
Though on some days
The sun shone upon the
Grass and reflected
Beams of light came through
And flew in Niuklase's window
And all knew he was among
The greatest fishermen that
did live in the county
So one day when the
streams bubbled and the fish
leapt and sailed through
the air and catched the sun's
rays, Niuklase did go and
take his net
and his poles
and his bait-fishes
and he did go in to the
streams
he dived head first
and saw mauntains
of streaming fish
cod
majestic
and living
in a terribly wonderful
and glimmering
shoal
and he did cast his net
but something happened
on that day
Nikoulas turned into a
cat man
and once saw
the grace
of
the cod

a nikolas tale

A NICKOLAS

I am talking to a ghost

A mere hollow shell of his former self

Nikolas was a brave man

he slew beasts

Mythical beasts

But now

He lives

alone and old

in the fireplace

He smokes his cigars

He burns them up

and watches that ashes fall

on the ground

as his life fell before him

It all started in the year 2349

When the aef

ewg'wegwegwsasg'g'eg'erg'w'egw'gdsg'sd'we

attacked

Nikolas planet

A small, lovely planet

the kind you would grow tomatoes on

and start a small family

Nikolas lived there

With his spaceship

He was no match for their beams

of solid steel

they shot down on his wirld

he managed to escape in this shuttlepod

They pursued him for 9 days

And then Nikolas took cover in the sun

The radiation clogged their sensors

Until finally they gave up

But nikolas left his planet

and his cummerbunds

and He sought refuge in a

Dwelling of his wartime-comrade

And there he dwelt

Until one day

As he watched his last cigar dissapear into the ash-heap

He decided the time was ripe for the picking

Like a flower in bloom

He repaired his ships

a fleet once mighty and proud

Now weathered be torrential wars

But still firm and loyal

As the day they were wrought

He boarded them

With a small contingent

of old comrades, long begotten

and they launched into the abyss

until they saw the enemy's patrol ship

Yes, the very same one that had obliterated this planet

his cummerbund-planet

and he fired his telons

they easily and smoothly penetrated the weak hull

Of the enemy's long-obsolete

Shuttlecraft

And then

Yes!

Victory was had

And now Nikolas lives on a grand planet

With Two cummerbunds!

One for special occasions

and one for everyday use

a go

NIKOLAS
was a staunch

defender

of the royal navy
and he would always go
and fight
for glory
and justice honour fidelity

and he lived

in times of strife

and heavy combat

and he did go in to the field
armed
he shone of might
and glory
his overalls gleaming
white
and clean
soon to be blood stained
and
with his sword
and his saber
and his musket
but not only his weapons
his greatest was

with bravery and valour

unmatched

and then they came

the hellfire came down

on him

thousands at a time

they went through his flesh

but the never

never surrendered

perserverd

until his body disintegrated

but his spirit sill fought on

and so

it ended

and nikolas

was forever

a legend

Nikolas brother

니콜라스 little brother recent boon inspire story told biblical fashion

sing a song
of you brother's wild exploits
did he sow his seeds
did he take a wife and know her, and did they bear many children, and were blessed, and lived in the land of milk and honey
and the nikolas saw this and saw that it was good
and then the nikolas said, let there be you brother and his wife and may they be prostitute, and strange women, and nikolas saw this and it was good and there was penis
and on the seventh day, nikolas rested, and he did say unto man, go forth and consort with strange women, and know them, and bore children, and it was good
Interesting.
Blag it.
and nikolas saw this was good and he did saith unto man to be forever blessed, and to have good lucks with the hot women, and it was good
and then the prophet devon saw this and he did pray unto the nikolas, to give him much lucks in the world of the women and behold, there was lucks in the women
and on the eighth day, the womens and the prostitutes were angry, and upset, and refused to know the men by laying with them
and the nikolas saw this and he was upset
and he did saith, let there be a great flood, that shalt castrateth the good mens and womens, and forever allow them to have the good ways of love
and the nikolas saw this as good, and it was good.

nikolas

nikolas rode a
spaceship that buzzed and hummed and zoomedquickthroughthestars
and
nikolas had no shame on this
beast
of a machinethatwouldsometimesgooffandkillawholesityofpeopleandnotfeelonejotguiltyaboutit
and nikolas was a spaceman who
EXPLORED the HEAVENS and one day
his gas tank explodes
and onetwothree seconds later he was dead
and we will always rememberforget deeds of a spaceman
for he gave us HOPE

Sâmerttalkatón

Yea, Nikolas in the tesstingge halle, yea, he in the pappier, tasting, growling, the wailord, it rumbling it head but bit but bit. The Nikolas in the house in the paster in the hut! One, two, again the crash, the grugurgurgrugru, the wailord! From the sea from the moon from the Earth from the sky the Nikolas in the snail the carp the reed the chirp-chirp lashing ink like the tides whipping cold the foam the Nikolas in the heavens in the lit in the wailord.

A Song of Nikolas

Nikoulasse was a silly little fellow
he lived in the forest
among the nymphs and sprites
and elves
and he often collected their dro-
-ppings to sell

at the market
and
he
would
go


he had no dignity--no no
he lived in absolute squalour

he was was was a POOR MAN
He was Nikolas! He was Nikolas! He was Nikolas!
A fool was he
to like like a fool