Saturday, January 17, 2009

job_print();

job_print

boolean job_print(OutputStream printTo)
throws Jobless
Deprecated.
Prints Steve Jobs to the given OutputStream.
Using a text file in the source directory, the function connects to a set of three web-servers with URLs given in the text file, downloading from each an up-to-date photo of Steve Jobs; specifications indicate that the photo should be more than 8 hours old at time of use, though error of up to twice that is acceptable in limited cases. After assembling a composite image from the three photographs, the function uses advanced image-recognition techniques to identify Jobs' head, hands, identifiable Apple products and other paraphernalia, and then renders each into an output image produced with the internal, private ASCII renderer, automatically cropping out any other persons present. The halo present around Steve Jobs' head at all times is also re-added, compensating for a noted tendency in cameras to fail to capture it.
Parameters:
printTo - the OutputStream to print Steve Jobs to.
Throws:
Jobless - if no Steve Jobs is found, or Steve Jobs is corrupted in printing.
See Also:
woz_print()
pogue_print()
kelsey_print()

Deprecated. Please use the newer render_steve_jobs() function; job_print() still functions at the time of writing, but will fail in 2012, when the end of the Mayan calendar causes Jobs to transform into a twelve-armed, nine-headed, serpent-like monstrosity that will end the nations of the Earth. The writer of job_print() failed to take account of the possibility of Jobs having more than one head, more than two arms, or a hideous, screaming fractal of dying children in lieu of a torso, and the function will crash in those case. Therefore, use of this function is discouraged. ♪Have a nice day!♪