Nikolas the Internet Snob

Beholde, Nikolas the Internet Snobbe:

Nay, he doth not clicketh on any one internette linkes that may, however distantlie, be connected in any mannere, with the peasantrie, or the labourers, or any of the lowere classes, nor doth he engageth in any activitie which may draw him close to such folke, and their vicissitudes, and their enumeratione, be it the divers portales of Net-working, or be it the most populaire system of instantaneous messageing, or be it the traditions of the common-folke, as in many a case, doth he discriminat eke againste all manner of populaire entertainmente, not only upon the internette, but in worldly affaires also. Yea, he doth refuse to watch the minstrels danse upon the stage, it is too common for him, he refuseth to know the knowledges of poore men, for they be filthie to him. And he feareth greatlie, yea, he feareth what he doth not knowest, be it the rude gestes, or the noyses of the streete, or the carnal formes of humains, he shunneth these things with the devotione of a Sainte and with the rapideness of a Arabien mare. Nay, he feareth eke too greatly it would staine his reputation for evere, as one of nobele bloode, and of pure-breedinge, that it may provoke scathing gossippe from his neighbours, were he to be associated with such worldly thyngs, that he may be undone by it. May he live longe in his wayes, o most nobele of Aristo-crates, may he be admyred by the ones whom he loathes so, for his steadfasteness, and yette, pitied at the same tyme, in a moste congealed nature, woe, o woe, for the carnal pleasures which he reafuses so adamatlie, and the brotherhoode of man which may be begotten, and the thorned garden pathes he wisely fayles to traverze, and the rysks of lyfe which he care-fully avoides, doth they bringe many joyes, and goodliness.