Saturday, January 31, 2009

THE ADVISOR

"BEHOLD!" cried Suidnamyzo, Tyrant of the Hundred Nations. "I wield the UNBRIDLED POWER of the POWER PYRAMID MANIPULATIVE! Now, BOW BEFORE ME!" The pyramid, clenched in his upraised hand, shone through his flesh, burning with the light of a hundred suns.

"Ah, with all due respect," The Advisor said deferentially, "you should probably put that down."

"WHAT?" Suidnamyzo shouted, surprised and perplexed. "WHO ARE YOU? WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?"

"Seriously, you should drop the Pyramid now," The Advisor advised. "I'm not joking - oh, dang. Too late."

Suidnamyzo screamed hideously as his flesh melted away under the terrible light of the POWER PYRAMID MANIPULATIVE. He crumbled into a pile of dust.

"Ah well," The Advisor sighed. "Another time."

-

"All right!" Louisiana said exultantly - yet quietly, so not as to set off the noise-triggered boulder traps she'd passed fifty feet ago. "Finally, past the pendulum swinging-blade traps! Now, it's a clear run into the tomb-"

"Well, no," The Advisor told her. "There's at least one more trap."

"What?" Louisiana asked, startled. She turned to face The Advisor, backing away a step. "Who are you? How did you get here - we're hundreds of feet beneath the earth, in the center of a vast, deadly burial complex! You must be - some type of undead/mechanical monstrosity! The final trap!"

"No, not really," The Advisor clarified vaguely. "But - look, stop. Come back towards me. It's really not a good idea to be standing where you are-"

The floor crumbled under Lousiana's feet, and she fell screaming into a deep pit, her fall arrested with an unpleasant squelching noise.

The Advisor walked over and peered in. "Oh - oh," he sighed. "That's - really quite unpleasant. I didn't need to see that." He pulled back from the edge, his forehead furrowed with regret.

"Somehow," he sighed to himself, "I can't help but feel responsible for this."

-

"AHAHAHaahaahAHAHAHahahAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" the Mad Doktor laughed. "I have mastered the forces of the eight ethers and the five humours! Now, the WORLD is in the PALM of my HAND! Once I pull this lever - here - I will be INVINCIBLE!!!"

"Well, not really - " The Advisor began. Then he took a hard look at the Mad Doktor and, after a moment, threw up his hands. "No. Just... no. I've had enough of advising the unadvisable! Bugger this for a game of soldiers, and I'm off to the pub to have a nice drink with Cassandra."

The Mad Doktor stopped cackling. He looked confused.

"Maybe I shouldn't pull the lever?" he suggested to the empty air.

"Yes!" The Advisor said, beaming. "Very good! You're the first one who's ever gotten it!" Then he vanished again.

The Mad Doktor remained confused. But - just to be safe - he took his hand off the lever. Then he backed a few feet away.

When lightning struck the lever and blew it to smithereens a moment later, leaving red-hot shards of metal embedded throughout the Doktor's laboratory, the Mad Doktor survived - with hardly any permanent crippling injuries to speak of!

For all his harsh words earlier, The Advisor was rather pleased with himself.

2 comments:

Calvacadeofcats said...

ıs thıs based on somethıng

Cavalcadeofcats said...

From earlier to-day:

Nicholas: hm hm hm
strategy
would you like to advise
Mr. Advisor


Kelsey: apparently
and
yes i would
for i am The Advisor

(That is pretty much it.)