Monday, November 17, 2008


(Translated by the Honourable M. Kelssie Huggums, who, having recover'd from his vile habits, did become much more healthy, and did take a wife, or two, and he did bear a child, which weighed heavily upon his mind, such that he was much distracted from his labours.)

ONE DAY: In the woodes of Northeumbrelande, and in the castel sieges, of the Periode, was there a greate Blissard, and did it snow from the Heavons, like an Angle pulling hisse Trumpete, and the hourne, of a clarioun Sounde, and it fell upon the Earthe, in a Layer that was not less than five cubits deep, above the Grounde, such that a manne who did walke upon itte, had the Ablilitie to call upon the persons who were not upon it, but who lay on the Ground, Turtle-like, and say, "Hark, hilly ho, ho, Sir! You are a Fool thyng and notte of Worth a six-pense! Sir!" And he saith thus, and he was full of Pride, and was Punished by the Lord, for he was a Simpletonne, and a Foole, and it was good.

And it came to passe, thate, in the Nikolas, 'twas a thynge, and he did thusly goe to the crystale palase, where there was much îse, and snowe, and, many eskimoes, and they hath speares, which swinged them at the Nikolas, and throw snow-balles at himme, but the Nikolous, who wase a sweorde man, did swinge at the eskimoes with his sweorde, and he slay them, and it was goode. And yea, there was a polare bear, and the Nikoulous picked himme uppe, and he entered a cave, and thus, the crystale kinge, who was a large man, which shotted many ice-beames at the Nikolos, and he swinged them with his sweorde, and they were defleckted, and the Nikolas came unto the crystale kinge, and he slay him with his sweorde, for he was goode, and juste, and the kinge saith unto the Nikolas, that he shall be avenged, for he was the kinge of the pastle, and the mourtar, and 'twas goode.

Lo, behold, in this endeavour, the Nikolos, who, though hee wasse a streonge manne, was not a lone in his queste, for he, beheined himme had thrice times tenn allyes beheined himme, whoum he could notte see, and if they fornicate, the Nikolas do not pounish them, for he be blinde to that, and if they defame the Nikolas, and if they erect false idoles, he do not pounish them, for he be blinde to that as welle. But the Nikolas saith, that when they die, then they will be judged by the Lord, and they were goode Christians thuslie.

And yea, it wasse true, that when the crystale kinge was slaint, there whate wase a large cheste, which was affixed to the ceeling, by a mechanisme of pullies, and leveres, and streings that were affixed to the ground, such that they were cutte, and the cheste fell unto them, and they opened it and becomed riche, and yea, they didde become greedie, for they had seene wealthe in the true fourme, and they desired the wealthe of each othere, and they did fight eache other for itte, and the Nikoulous, who was a stronge manne, and who was very welle-rounded, like a barrel, or a caske, did use his skilles to slay his allyes, who were weake, and notte reale menne, and it was goode.

And yea, behold, in the after-mathes, was there a womone, who, for her safe-ty, duringe the fyght, was tied upp to a poste, in the backe, whereupon she was free from harme, and couvered in the roubes of a virgine, and the Nikolas saw this, and it was good. And he, though he was tempted by the temptationes of the fleshe, he, being a Christian, and a sworde-man, and having large musceles, did go upp to her, and he did cut the rope, as is obligatory, and he took the womone down from the poste, and he carried her out of the palase, and into the blissard, out side, and it was goode.

And they went outsyde, and they talked, about thinges that were notte relavente to the globale affaires, but of little thinges, that were petty, and notte interesting, and the Nikolas, who wanted to sow his wilde oates, did try to take her to the "clubbe", but he, being a cowarde, and a wonton foole, and a vendour of sousages, did notte, and it was goode.

1 comment:

Cavalcadeofcats said...

Noo! All his castle-crashing has been in vain, owing to his fear! Overcome your fear, Nikolas! You are the demons!