Cat-trees

One daye in the slummes Wast I resting uppon a leafe on a pond of distill watter, and a Nikolas came unto me, as if in a dreame-state, and beheined himme was a golden licht, and it shined briter whan any licht that mine eyes hath seene, and twas it furtutious, becouse he told me of his revelatione, from the LORD, yea, and it wast betwixt with riddels, and lies & schemeing scoundrels, &c. (thisse parte is largelie true)

And he said unto me, he said "Yea, unto the LORD, wast I in receievinge of such a prodigious message, and it saith, that in a countinent, to the easte, where a horse cannot climmb a mountaine to see itte, there was a catte, and upon the catte was much furre, and paws, and skinne, and musckles, such that doth befitte a normale catte, but on the backe, yea, did I see with mine owne eyes, wast there a tree, that grow this highe, in its circumfrence twas't 20 cubites in lengthe, and thick like a snacke."

And then he said: "And upon the tree 'twas a settelemente, where there was clay-huttes, and people who were of smalle statures, and a blackesmithe, and 'twere rulled by a heathen, such that he bade the peoples, to worshippe the false idoles, and to fornickate in freelie, such was a calamitie, and you muste, gout, and fix itte."

And so it came to passe, that I, though wast I susspiciouse that the Nikolas had tacken several herbes from the earthe, and put them into his hearthe, and breathed in the fummes, never the less, though, did I crauled upp into a balle, that was small, and was able to penetrate the layere of the foamme that souked up the hull of the village, and the catte-tree, such that I was gone inn, there, and thusly, did I witnesse many spectaculare thinges.

And the Kinge of the village, who was a ratte, for manie rattes inhabbit the cattes, in this plannet, for it is natrualle, and was he called the Ratte-kinge, and was he a heathen, and a bad man, who made tarre, and shipped it in crates, in a hotte manner, and did he weare armours, and breathe in the etheres, and 'twere goode.

And did I Take my sweorde, from its positine on my belte, and did I hold it againste my breaste, and did forward was the blade, such that It cleaved the aires, and the grasses, and did I run with a fulle speede, towards the Ratte-kinge, and he, a powerfulle mage, did repulse mine self, and we did struggel for severa times, and did I pusshe himme, with the tippe of the sweord into the tarre, that was hotte, and did he melte, and 'twas goode.

And I did speake unto them wordes that were calme, and soothing, and of good faithe, and which were from the LORD, and the peaple haerkened, and they took the bread and wyne, of the spirite, and they did consume them, and 'twere they baptised, in a fondue, and 'twas goode.

And yea, thusly, did I, Matthew, of the Skoubous, go into the catte-village, which was called Worsawe, and did I baptise mannie of them, and becomed them to the Christ, and did I dou so for tweo yeares, and 'twas goode.