Monday, November 10, 2008


There is a saying: "Once you have looked at the Nikolas, you have to pick him up immediately. Otherwise the worms will spoil it."
There is a saying: "Every Nikolas has his owner."

And it is true, every Nikolas has his owner, but does every Nikolas have his womon? And if he doesn't have a womon will he be spoilt by the worms?

These are the questions of WOMON SAGA: PART II
(Translated from the old Norse by Mr Kelesey Higgums, who, at the time, had imbibed several litres of strong drink, such that he fumed with the odours of the slums.

ONE DAY: on an otherwyse perfecktlie normal day in fyne Novemberre autumne, did the Nikolas, whose name is "the one who ate cuttes of meat that had been coocked over an open flame", having been possesed of a chille, in the spynal region, perhaps of an overdose of ether, such that his humours were imballanced, or perhaps of a surplusse of bloode in the veynes, did he go, to the place where people took trees, and felled them, and cutted them into woode-pieces, and set them aflame, such that meates were coocked over them, did he go there, and it was good. And when he did reache his destination, did he see, not by word of scournfull gossipe, or the cawing of the magpie, or the blacke catte, in the nighte, but with his owne eyes, a womon, indeed, the same one with whome he had been ackuanted, nought but two days agoe, in the same place, and indeed, he would have taken his bear-hide bootes, and in a fury, dashed to her side, and made her a virgine not longer, in a quicke and vigourous waye, but had he only nought seene a manne, a gentle-manne, who had flancked her side, and was callouslie rubbing againste her bosome, so as to create fricktions, and many other thinges, which are not Christiane, so shall they notte be discussed here, but, the reader, if he delighte in such matters, is welckome to immagine the eventes that ensued, in his domicile. For the Nikolas, fearful, and already suffering from the imbalanse of humours previously discussed, did rush, head-strong, into the meate-coocking place, and did he thinke, and devyse, and formulatte, and it was goode.

part I to come

1 comment:

Cavalcadeofcats said...

Very nice! I like the bear-hide boots. Very nikolas-ish. As are the proverbs preceding the post proper.

Very excited for Part I!