Vitreous Electricity

The Zhang cackled, arising from long hours of work in his underground laboratory. "At last!" he howled, holding aloft a beaker filled with a bright-glowing fluid. "I have done it - what ancients never knew enough to attempt, and my pathetic professors fear too much to try! I have bottled the power of the Gods themselves - the vitreous electricity!"

He paced as he ranted, knowing himself safe from detection by virtue of his three-foot-thick brick walls. "They hate me, they despise me - all my teachers, all the womons. I am never the luck man!" he wailed, kicking a paperweight across the ground. "But I'll show them. The vitreous electricity will show them whose the coal guy here. I'll show them all!" He threw his head back and howled hideously.

Upstairs, his door creaked open. "Are you all right, dude?" the Zhang's neighbor called. "I heard some strange noises."

The Zhang reassured him, uttering deceptively calm words until he left. Then he cursed, quietly, under his breath. "Dang you, doors-of-lower-quality-than-the-containing-walls!" he swore, "DANG YOU STRAIGHT TO HECK!"

Then he drank some liquour, just because he's that kind of Zhang.

Happy eighteenth birthday! Enjoy your legal sexings!