Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Breakfast-Time

Another lecture from the renowned Professor Z, transcribed and edited by the poster.

AGENDA:
-Breakfast components
-Threats of a Poor Breakfast
-Leeches
-Your Children (also, Saving the Princess; also, Stardust;)

For a proper breakfsot, you must eat:

eggs
bacon
sausage
roast beef
pudding
white sausage
blood sausage
kidneys
liver
beans
tomato
toast with
jam
butter
perserves
and
marmalade
cream
milk
juices
tea and coffee
with
cream
and
sugar
english miffins
scones
crumpets
croisssant
and
cigarettes

What will happen if you omit any one of those? (Also: why beans?)

then you will die
alternativley
it will be "bad for the humours"

(Appendix to the list above:)
cheeses
pastries
fruit
and
yoghurt

You just lump "fruit" as one group?

you can only eat
0.5 grams
of fruit
because
otherwise you will imbalance the humours

(also beans are "traditional")

Should one err - for instance, by eating a whole apple, instead of a healthful cigar-ette - what can be done to repair the damage? How may the humours be rebalanced?

you must drain the blood
preferaby
with leaches
you must buy them
in the market square

Trials to be surpassed in the acquisition of leeches:

you must avoid
the temptatoins
of the brothels
if you have sexuel with the humours imbalanced you will suffer great shocks
and your children will be born with the plague

You will learn of your children's sordid fate thus:

because they will be put in a box
and taken
to your door
and then
you have to go through the magic portal
in the wall
to rescue the princess
that you had sex with
because she was a slave
and like
her brothers
were fiting each other
to becom the king
and you have to go to the airship
but the guy was a homosexuel
o
and like you get turned into a mouse or something
and like the girl tells you she love yo
u
but like you can hear
even tho you are mouse
and then like
i forgot
what happen next
o and you have
a magic candel
that you can go anywhere with
o and like
there were witches
and they like cut animals
to see their entrales
and they used a rock
to make them selfes younge
o and there was a guy
called septimus
snape
and he had 7 buttons
on his shirt
and he had this guy
who told the "oracle bones"
but he was lying
so he kill him
o and the girl
was actually came down
from the sky
like a metore
and the dude like fell on her

And that is how to have a proper breakfast!

Please thank Professor Z. for his generous contribution of time to our humble blag; hopefully we'll see him again soon. There will be a cumulative exam on this material next section.

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