Monday, January 14, 2008

Horrors of Horrors!

In the past, this office has been informed that works sponsored by its name include undue violence. Shockingly, these messages were sent several months ago, and seem to bear almost no relation to present posts. Furthermore, there has been a decided lack of such complaint recently, with some complainants even engaging in writing works of violence themselves!

This clearly cannot be abided. But that is not the worst. Ladies and men of gentle dispositions, avert your eyes:

Some day, some-one may read this blog, and be mildly offended at certain content!

For this office, the news is a cry to action. We hereby declare that this office shall sponsor, for at least its next five works, no post which includes violence. Other authors upon the blag are encouraged to follow suit, but are by no means required. For an example, we provide the following, violence-free tale:

Billy the Bouncing Baby Bunny: A Tale Suitable for All Ages

Billy woke up. Today was a great day to be alive! He hopped out of his bunny-hole.

Outside, children were waiting! He smiled. "Hello, friends!" he exclaimed.

"We're your only friends, right, bunny?" one of them asked.

Billy was a little confused. "Sure!" he told them.

"You know why that is?" another asked.

"Why?" Billy inquired.

"Because you're not good enough." the children told him. "You're just a stupid, pathetic little bunny. You're small, you're stupid, and you'll just keep on being that way until you die."

"What?" Billy asked, shocked. "Why are you saying this to me?"

"Because you're stupid," the children told him. "We're your only friends, and even we don't like you. You're just a worthless, pathetic pile of trash. You can't even walk properly - you can only hop!"

Billy tried. He couldn't! His face crumpled. "Why are you doing this?" he asked.

"Boo, boo, bunny," the children chanted. "Stupid little bunny, worthless bunny, can't think, can't talk, can only cry like a baby!"

Billy, devastated, began to weep.

One of the children reached back and pressed a button behind his ear. Billy went limp for a moment. Then he straightened and, expressionless, memoryless, returned to his burrow.

Billy woke up. Today was a great day to be alive!

"I bet this time we can get him bawling in fifty seconds!" one of the children told another. They cackled with glee.

The end!

See? This is the sort of carefree, harmless fun you can have when you just let go of that old dang obsession with violence. This is fun for everyone! Now, try some violence-free writing of your own!

1 comment:

King Kessler said...

Pwwwwwntacular! I support this movement.