Saturday, December 06, 2008

of that fateful night

A man, who shall be known only as a "bad-ass", and him, being possessed of a fever, and a rage, for he need to present the King Nikolas with a sacrifice, and being poor, he journeyed to the far lands, where there were many mysterious plants. And he saw the custom of the locals, who took of the plants their leaves, and dried them, and lit them aflame, and inhaled the smoke, and he saw that it was pleasant, and it was good. (They smell like raisins. It was weird.) And he decided to take a bushel of the plant, for which he compensated the locals with three glass marbles. And he took a ship back to the Nikolas-Kingdom, and on the way, there was a tariff collector, upon the port, who arrested the man, such that he was demanded his pass-ports, and a charter from the duke, such that he was sure to collect from him three and twenty ducats, as a tax, and a bribe, and it was good. 

And he went back to the chamber of the King, Nikolas the Second, the Tyrant of the Swamp, and he presented it to him, as a bribe, and the Nikolas, being of the opposition party, was most displeased, and his wrath shone in his eyes, and it gave him terrible ulcers, and it strained his liver, such that he was winded, and collapsed in a chair. And he proclaimed that it was "A custome lothsome to the eye, hatefull to the Nose, harmefull to the braine, dangerous to the Lungs, and in the blacke stinking fume thereof, neerest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomelesse." And he gave many more harsh words to him, and he expelled him from the kingdom, and he sent ten vicious dogs, and twelve cats, and full twenty mice upon him, and it was good.

1 comment:

Cavalcadeofcats said...

The raisins-comment has the sound of personal experience. Is that so?

I approve of this post! Any post which includes "A Counterblaste to Tobacco" cannot be bad.