Monday, December 15, 2008


This is Horace.

Let's talk about Horace, shall we?

First, a word of caution: he's not very nice.

How, not very nice?

Well, yes. He wants to conquer humanity. Mostly for eating. A little bit for enslaving.

He's a very hungry kind of plant.

Whyever would any-one associate with him, then?

Well, he has flowers, of a sort. And a good green colour. Also, his fronds have the power to control minds.

That's quite impressive.

I'll agree - but it doesn't end there. So powerful is Horace that he may exert his psionic powers indirectly - any sight of his fronds is enough to unleash his majesty!

Such as that photo you showed me?

Yes! Exactly! Ahaahahahaaahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaa!

That's an impressive cackle.

Thank you, I practiced at it.

Well, then, I feel a little bad saying this, but...

Yes? But what?

It didn't work.

Didn't work?


Not feeling any urges to bow down to Horace, the Plant that will Rule Man?

Not especially, no.

It should have worked.

I gather that.

Perhaps I should try again. Another photo, better emphasizing his... emphatic qualities.

You've gotten your mind controlled by Horace, then, I gather.

Yes, yes, of course. Why else would I be going to all this trouble?

Because you're insane?


It's more likely, then, that a slightly strange-looking shrub is controlling your mind.


Even though it doesn't have any effect on anyone else.


This seems reasonable to you?

It would be crazy to think otherwise!

Very well, then. Carry on.

See you next month, same time?


Happy holidays!


Calvacadeofcats said...

all are lies

Cavalcadeofcats said...

Or are you, yourself, mind-controlled by a shrub? That seems a likelier explanation to me!