Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Blog Against Heteronormativity Day

I'm only a little bit late! It's okay! We can do this thing.


James was stalking Mark!

He stalked him at the restaurants.

He stalked him at the theatre.

He stalked him at his own home!

It had begun some months back.

James saw Rohit. "Wow!" he said. "That guy is really attractive!" He took a photo with a camera-phone.

Then he heard Rohit's full name said in discussion with the other two restaurant-goers present in Rohit's booth, a man and another woman. "Hey!" said James. "I should look up his personal details on the social-networking sites and the Google!"

It seemed harmless but it quickly became all-consuming.

James fell into a routine. He would come off work early, slipping out the back door. He would call his friend Mark, who was the driver for James's stalking operations. Then he would find out where Mark was scheduled to be next - the Internet, she is a powerful tool! - and would have Mark drive him there. (Mark was a very good friend.)

Then James would stalk.

One day, James stalked Rohit to his home. He climbed a tree, so that he could see inside the bedroom window. (Mark helped with the climbing.) To his dismay, he saw Rohit performing romantic actions with a lady!

"Agh!" James said, not too loudly. (He felt it would be unfortunate to be overheard.) Then he swore, repeatedly. Also he called the lady a number of rude and unpleasant names. Just as well not to quote him.

"Maybe he's just bi?" Mark suggested.

James shook his head. "Maybe, but it doesn't matter. He's with someone! Why couldn't he have just put it on his Facebook so that I wouldn't have had to watch!"

"Are you still watching, then?"

"No! Yes. A little bit."

"Come down, dude," Mark told him. "Let's go home."

James mumbled something, still watching the window, his eyes filled with betrayal. Then he felt a firm touch.

"Dude," James asked of Mark. "Did you just goose me?"

Mark looked back at him insouciantly. "And if I did?"

James thought back to the last few months. He thought about Mark's donation of his own time and effort for days upon weeks, in the cause of the Great Stalking. He thought about Mark's comments about his personal appearance - which, in retrospect, seemed telling.

" you have the hots for me?" James asked.

"Yeah, pretty much," Mark said. "I was helping with this whole stalking thing pretty much so that you'd get over it and notice me. Now can we have sex or something?"

They had sex, or something.

Everyone was satisfied! In a non-judgmental and sexually-nondiscriminating fashion.


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