David's Activities

NOTE: Not Mormon-Safe. Or Work-Safe. Or Parent-Safe.

I blame David.

Today, three brave adventurers journeyed (by bicycle) to the lair of the notorious ZHANG. But their trip was less successful than they might have hoped - the Zhang took much time to appear, and when he did, he claimed business and shut the door in the travelers' faces. He made up his rudeness later, taking all and sundry on a magical journey to the Bar of Chops, but the question remains - what, exactly, was he doing, that made him reject his friends with such haste and certainty?

He was being seduced by a succubus!

You might think this would be a problem for him. Quite to the contrary - he wanted to be seduced. Further - he had summoned the succubus himself! There was only one obstacle to his carnal enjoyment - a pair of demon hunters, set on the task of hunting down the succubus now resident in the Zhang's house.

He wasn't really sure why they were there! But they were - and while they were, he could never have the joy he desired!

He tried a number of ploys to be rid of them. A polite request; a wordless scowl, given while quivering with rage; cunningly concealed pitfall traps beneath the main staircase. All these failed! The demon-hunters were too cunning. The Zhang would need to try some other way!

He asked the succubus. "Why won't they go away?"

"Have sex with me," the succubus suggested, pouting suggestively. Then the demon hunters appeared from around a corner, and she fled.

This was not very helpful!

The Zhang considered the matter carefully. He retired to his library; researched the matter in tome and Google. Then, having settled on a plan, he searched out the demon hunters.

"You're both Belmonts, right?" he asked. "Members of the legendary clan of the same name?"

The demon-hunters tenatively agreed that this might be the case.

"Look!" the Zhang said, pointing. "A Dracula!"

The Belmonts turned, startled at the mention of their ancestral foe. Then the Zhang pushed them out the front door and locked it!

"What a cunning boy," the succubus said, purring. "Clever with words, clever with languages... ince you seem so skilled at it, why don't I let you practice a cunning of a different sort?" She licked her lips.

And that's the real, completely unembellished and utterly Mormon-safe story of why the Zhang took a while to get to the Nikolaus-haus! Also the story of why he has no soul, succubi being as they are, but he didn't really miss it.

Hooray!