Why No-One Should Trust The Pope

Here's the thing. The Pope was cool once. He was underground! He was counter-culture. He was all, "Hey, dudes! Let's go spread Christianity!" And the fifty people listening to him would cheer. Then the Romans would come after them with lions!



Popes didn't live as long back then.

But the thing was, the Pope succeeded. Christianity spread! And, well, there were a few heresies, and some gigantic schisms that split East from West, and, later, France from Rome (which was just sort of embarrassing really). Also the Protestants. But basically it worked! Everyone was happy. Except for the Jews, and the Muslims, and heretics. So that's pretty good, from a Papal point of view.

But now he's not counter-culture! He's the definition of mainstream. At best! Sometimes he's just an old codger. Hella lame! They say you shouldn't trust anyone over thirty. Not only is he hold, but he's in a two-millennia-old office! Exponentially untrustworthy! Plus, he thinks that Indians who got forcibly converted by the Spanish were "crying out in their souls for salvation." Unknowingly. So he's got a few screws loose.

Not that I'm advocating any particular religion, mind you. Protestants and Mormons have a bit of age on them too, and Judaism, while utterly lacking in centralized leadership, is more than twice as old. So that's clearly a poor alternative.

No. The only choice here is clearly Thorinism. Only five years old! Led by a seventeen-year-old! Thorin: The Englishman you can trust.


Worship Thorin Duffin as a god today! (I think he's the one on the right.)

(This post is satirical in nature. Anyone believing otherwise will be immediately transmuted into a Bidoofus.)