Revelations from a Matthew

Here I present the most noble and wise sayings of the Matthias, from whom I learned the truth, and the good, and the light, yea, hitherfore, I hath translated these sayings from the Reformed Egyptian, from the Golden Plates given to me by the Angel Matthias over the holy Inter-wobbes, and who doth come unto me in the most holy form of a lamb, or a man, or a warm light, and who did not teach anything that ought doth vary from the teachings of the apostles, or other doctors approved by the church's censure, and received from the infinite splendour of his brain, yea, I do present them here, and it was good.


ok
so Nickoulasse liked a womon
but he was afraid to tell this womon
for a pretty obvoius reason
the reason
that womon was his teacher
ah, such a young and inteligent teacher, though
much to Nickoulasse's liking
and many of the other students, though they would not admit it or persue it
and though Nickoulasse would not admit it
he decided he might just persue it
like, that one teacher maybe who teaches lit and everyone thinks is hot and has kind of abig nose or is jewish, I can't remember which (maybe both?)
let's say it's her, because she might be jewish
I odn't think she is, but oh well
so Nicklousse
it might not even be lit
you know
the one teacher
why can't I think of her name?
hold on, lemme get a yearbook
ok, so Nicklousse subtly suggested to this teacher that she should be a Chaperone that night
and so the teacher thought about it
and decided to do it
and so Nicklousse had won his first battle
Ms Kakes, I think?
so Nicklousse
he went to the winter formal
and saw the teacher
he didn't go with anyone (seeing as he couldn't really ask his true love)
so he went up to her
and said "hi"
she said "hi Ratte-Kingge. How's it going?"
and Nicklousse said "fine, and you?"
and she said "fine. I just finished planning my vacation"
"for this summer"
"oh" said Nicklousse. "where at?"
and so they conversed for the whole of the night.
and, though miss Cakes forgot her chapperoning duties, she had a very good time
and miss cakes, being a teacher, wanted to save on gas, so she carpooled over
with Mr. Timmeraque
and so Miss Cakes
was like
acutally, no
Nicklousse was like "Miss Cakes, can I offer you a ride home?"
And miss cakes said, "oh but Nicklousse! The dance is only half-way over!"
and Nicklousse said, "then shall we dance?"
and she said "I would love to!"
and the other students who thought miss cakes was hawt looked on with envy as the two got their things on
and so went the dance
and then, Nicklousse offered a ride again
and miss cakes said "oh, but nicklousse, it has only been 20 minutes! The dance is still far from over!"
And miss cakes
man, I'm still in my Subway uniform
sorry
And Nicklousse said "ah, but do you not grow weary of this dance, as I do? And I have the most wonderful steed for us to ride. He is white, and strong, and not a slushbox, but in fact a real live steed!"
and
ok, seriously, why the frick am I doing this?
and so, Nicklousse asked a third time
"Can I offer you a ride?"
but this time, he did not say where to
and Miss Cakes could not resist such an offer
and Nicklousse's Yewish charms.
and so she went
and they rode Nicklousse's stalion.
to a lake
and they sat by the lake
and listened to each other breathe
and Nicklousse said
man, this is really freaking creepy
that was me, not Nicklousse
Nicklousse said
wouldst thou offer unto me thine hand in marriage?
and miss cakes looked hesitant
and Nicklousse said, "before you answer, let us mount the steed once more, for I have something to show you"
and Nicklousse took Miss Cakes on the steed
and they rode to france
to the Eifle Tower
and Nicklousse said, look upon the beauty of this tower
and then he took her to the Pyramids of Egypt
and Yugi, and Yami, and LittleKuriboh were there
and he said, look upon the beauty of these pyramids
and he did the same for many of the graet wonders of the world
(all 9 of them)
and he said, I can use my Yewish powers and money to buy all of these for you for your dowry
and she gasped
and said, "OH YES NICKOULASSE!!! I WILL MARRY YEW!!!!"
And Nicklousse was pleased
and miss cakes was pleased
and on Monday, Miss Cakes found that she was fired for shirking her Chaperoning deuties
but she did not care
for she had money
for she was also Yewish
and her fiance had even more money
for he was even more yewish
and he bought the 9 wonders of the world
and gave them to Miss Cakes
And they were married in the best of Jewish weddings
*Yewish
and they had many Yewish children
which they sold
for more money
and it wasse goode