Nicholas and his Horrid Affair

Nicholas scowled at the womon at the other side of the room. How dare she enter this restaurant, his restaurant, after their horrid affair? He devised a plan. A plan which could be described in a manner which used "devised" in a pun, to replace words of similar spelling. "Devilish" came to mind! He chuckled to himself. The womon would not return to his restaurant any time soon.

Ten days later, Nicholas looked again at that same spot. The womon had come in every day, seemingly just to spite him. But he had a plan, which he would set in motion! Right now! His appointed waiter moved over to the womon's table.

"The chef would like to congratulate you on your birthday!" he said.

And with that, he handed her a cake! It was so devious! By offering the hand of friendship, she would either have to accept it, or be rejected by the general populace as a loser who can't appreciate a birthday cake!

But something went wrong. So terribly wrong! Rather than becoming a loser, as Nicholas expected, she accepted the cake! She asked the waiter to thank the chef for his kind gift! And it was at that moment that Nicholas saw the flaw in his plan. The womon perceived him to be the cause of their horrid affair! She accepted his gift, the gift she assumed was of an apologetic nature!

Nicholas thought fast. His mind raced with the possibilities and probabilities of this misunderstanding, as well as a general wondering as to when "fast" became an adverb.

He leaped out of the shadows, and did what Nicholases do best!

"Ha! Fool!" he bejested her. "You have fallen for my evil cake~plan. After thirty minutes, your spleen will do the exact opposite of what spleens are supposed to do! The same effect will befall a number of other vital organs! You have no choice but to—"

Just then, a pre-planned helicopter burst through the front of the restaurant, causing such a ruckus that the second half of his sentence was left unpronounced! Or so he would later claim. In truth, he had no clue what choices the womon could have in such a situation. He thanked himself for carrying, in his emergency dentures, the remote control for his helicopter. The helicopter which he now boarded! As he flew away, leaving the womon very confused and even more doubtful as to the veracity of his claims, he chuckled to himself. Then he chuckled again, because he found amusing the fact that he had the last laugh.