Planet of the Space Squid.

It's not the sort of planet you or I would live on. They're squid, so that's to be expected. The fact that they live in space only make it more true. It's a gas planet - but not a gas giant, no sir. It's quite moderate in size. The squid don't need anything bigger. Look, they're squid.

A Space Squid.

We visited the planet of the space squid, once, the League. Of course, it was a bit different then. Carson was still alive. Devin hadn't taken those crippling wounds in the boar-planet affair. (I do rather regret that.) And Kelsey didn't believe in monkeys. But it hardly made any difference back then. Carson suggested the trip: "Let's hop in our bathysphere, old chaps, and go to the Planet of the Space Squid!" were his exact words. So we did!

It was a little cramped, but we behaved as gentlemen, and so managed to arrive with no injury more serious than a gunshot to the chest. (Devin and I were somewhat inflamed over the matter of the coarser toiletries - do you recall? Perhaps it's better forgotten.) This was quickly patched up, and so we ventured out to meet the squid.

Squid are a friendly enough breed, but the Space Squid is a different sort. An Italianate sort of cephalopod, he takes all his passions to the fullest. At first they were glad to see us, and we were wrapped in rather uncomfortable embraces. Matthew, rashly panicking, fired several shots off into the air. The squid took this poorly, and the embraces grew somewhat rougher. Kelsey kept his wits about him, and launched the firecrackers that he kept perpetually on his person in that time. (Come to think of it - Kelsey, why did you have those?) The squid were frightened away, in any case, and we withdrew to the bathysphere.

David and I believed that the situation was beyond salvaging and that, defeated, we ought return to the blue orb Terra, but the rest of you thought otherwise. We went along with your plan, and went with you to visit the High Council of the Space Squid.

At first they squidded at us viciously, launching ink and laser-bolts, but we made our intentions clear. Even to this day, I've never seen better Morse jumping-jacks in a combat situation. The squid calmed down and escorted us to their leaders, who regarded us balefully, a monocle on every head.

It was at this point that I noticed the gold quite amply adorning every Space Squid head. Overcome with avarice, I conspired with David while the others sought to placate the solemn space squid senators. Withdrawing from their high pedestals, the squid senators personally met with Devin, won over by his diplomacy and eager to shake his hand. As they rendered themselves thus vulnerable, David and I calmly shot every one and fled with their bullion.

You may criticize me for my callousness, but I will point out three things before this tale is done:
- That bullion paid for the better part of the luxuries our beloved League is known for - the rest was won in the canals of Mars, of course, but that's a tale for another day, and of lesser account in any case.
- The squid planet is a long way away, and it is unlikely that we would have visited again in any case. David agreed (and still agrees, I think) that it was a bridge best burnt when we came to it.
- Unlike gold, squid senators are a renewable resource.