Wednesday, February 27, 2008

The Penisgame



v 0.01.5
©1989 Nikolas & Co. AG


SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:08:23): Welcome to Penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:08:23): you are in a giant penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:08:26): it is dark
Player_1 (23:08:55): >look penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:09:44): you see a penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:09:47): it is penising
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:09:48): to you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:09:51): in a soft manner
Player_1 (23:10:00): >talk penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:08): suddenly it grows fangs
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:11): and kills you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:13): with venom
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:14): you die
Player_1 (23:10:16): >penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:17): GAME OVER
Player_1 (23:10:21): waugh
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:32): restart?
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:32): 10
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:33): 9
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:34): 8
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:35): 7
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:36): 6
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:37): 5
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:38): 4
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:39): 3
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:41): 2
Player_1 (23:10:42): >y
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:46): WELCOME
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:47): TO
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:52): PENISGAME
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:10:57): insert coin
Player_1 (23:11:06): >ƒ
Player_1 (23:11:18): it is a florin
Player_1 (23:11:20): symbol
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:36): due
Player_1 (23:11:37): i will use capital f from now on
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:38): so cool
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:39): ok
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:48): the machine spits out the coin
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:54): and says
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:11:57): PLEASE INSERT
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:01): GOODER COIN
Player_1 (23:12:12): >F
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:24): the machine gets mad at you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:27): and grows fangs
Player_1 (23:12:33): >penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:34): and starts to attack
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:36): you penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:40): the macine is placated
Player_1 (23:12:40): >penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:46): but
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:12:50): it is out of power
Player_1 (23:12:58): :(
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:08): what do you so
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:09): do
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:18): dude
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:21): it is a meta-game
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:34): you are inside an arcade
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:38): a broken penisgame machine
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:40): stands
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:43): before you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:49): it is loud and crowded
Player_1 (23:13:53): >talk penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:13:57): it is briken
Player_1 (23:14:02): >touch penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:06): nothing happens
Player_1 (23:14:13): >peni penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:17): nothing happens
Player_1 (23:14:20): >penis penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:22): people stare at you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:28): quizacally
Player_1 (23:14:39): >love penisgame
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:44): nothing happens
Player_1 (23:14:48): >talk people
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:14:54): they look busy
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:00): you'd better not disturb them
Player_1 (23:15:09): >look people
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:21): there are stereotypical gamers
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:23): and junkies
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:25): and like
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:26): wasouts
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:30): playing
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:32): varous games
Player_1 (23:15:44): >look games
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:15:55): it could be dangerous. you'd better not
Player_1 (23:16:10): >look area
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:16:12): it could be dangerous. you'd better not
Player_1 (23:16:25): >exit area
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:16:27): it could be dangerous. you'd better not
Player_1 (23:16:32): >penis
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:16:40): people stare at you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:16:42): quizicaly
Player_1 (23:16:46): >stare people
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:16:48): it could be dangerous. you'd better not
Player_1 (23:17:04): >penis people
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:16): one dude passes by
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:19): and you penis him
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:25): he stares at you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:28): quizically
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:36): he stops in front of you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:38): concerned
Player_1 (23:17:45): >talk dude
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:17:49): he say
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:18:21): hvad læver du?
Player_1 (23:19:04): >touch dude
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:19:20): he withdraws
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:19:22): and he say
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:19:42): nej kommer ikke fra det
Player_1 (23:19:49): >lagom
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:04): i dont understand
Player_1 (23:20:11): >say lagom
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:19): he goes away
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:36): just then
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:41): a man comes to you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:42): he say
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:20:54): vilkommen til danmark
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:21:19): vilkommen til kobnhavn aeroport
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:21:30): jeg have a mission for you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:21:43): i will give you 5000 florins
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:21:54): if you kann get a womon
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:22:04): in fire days
Player_1 (23:22:20): >say lagom
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:22:26): you accept the mission
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:22:32): you have 5 days
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:22:36): starting now
Player_1 (23:22:55): >exit aeroport
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:22:59): you are outside
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:23:08): you see many beautiful tinge
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:23:12): and hot womon
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:23:15): on the streets
Player_1 (23:23:34): >accost womon
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:23:50): she say
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:23:54): hej
Player_1 (23:23:58): >F
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:24:05): i dont understand
Player_1 (23:24:12): >give F
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:24:20): you dont have any F
Player_1 (23:24:37): >say hej
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:24:55): hej
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:25:05): hvor kommer du
Player_1 (23:25:15): >say lagom
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:25:24): nothign happens
Player_1 (23:25:30): >inv
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:25:33): you have
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:25:35): nothing
Player_1 (23:25:48): >touch womon


SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:27:23): she says
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:27:24): dude
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:27:27): what are you doing
Player_1 (23:28:27): >say perceiving the world through touch
Player_1 (23:28:37): >say for science
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:28:52): she is creeped out
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:28:54): and about to leave
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:00): press h for helpful hints
Player_1 (23:29:06): >h
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:13): PROTIP: ask her for sex
Player_1 (23:29:24): >ask for sex
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:33): she looks at you disgusted
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:34): she say
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:38): what is wrong with you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:43): she leaves
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:44): in a full
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:29:47): huff
Player_1 (23:30:06): >look area
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:11): you see
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:14): no hot womons
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:16): within
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:19): 5 miles
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:24): you failed the mission
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:29): the guy who offered the money
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:33): was a gangster
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:34): and he
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:36): kill you
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:30:40): GAME OVER
Player_1 (23:30:40): >penis
Player_1 (23:30:43): noooooooooo
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:31:41): dude
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:31:44): you suck
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:31:49): you should not follow
SYSTEM_00129_20 (23:31:52): the PROTIPS




King Kessler said...

[from Wikipedia]

Penisgame, typically referred to as PG 1, is the first in the Penisgame series of text adventures by Nikolas & Co™. The game starts in a traditional text adventure setting, in a giant penis, but goes on to reveal that the giant penis setting is merely a minigame within the actual game. Its protagonist lacks a name, gender and personality, in the interest of immersion, and it takes place in Denmark, beginning in an arcade in an aeroport.

It is unique in its introduction of the penis command, a command with no clear definition, intended for use by inexperienced players unsure of what to do next. It is preprogrammed contextually so that it will activate the next available command, but it has a use limit to prevent abuse. It is never made clear which command is actually carried out; this is intentional, as the prospect of figuring out what to do on subsequent replays adds significant replay value. Indeed, the feature has been successful to the point of prompting several knockoffs, including two competing text adventure series, an information organization application, and an underdeveloped genital organ. Naturally, Nikolas & Co.™ responded to the overwhelming enthusiasm by turning Penisgame into a series.

Cavalcadeofcats said...

That was simultaneously rather amusing and extremely bizarre. I liked the "PROTIPS".

MiniGeckoGlyder said...

This game should be on the Wii and Xbox live marketplaces. *Tilt the controller to italisize the text!*