Monday, February 18, 2008

Nikolaus and the grand opera

Yea, the Nikolaus was in the land far and away, where there were dragones, and fyrefoxes, and lyssardes, and baboons, and homosexuals (San Francisco), whereupon seeing the manour of his great ancestor, Pyotr Petrovich Ivanovich Romanovich the Conqueror, and as he was wont to do he stopped in for tea and biuscuits, for he was well-tired from his jourrnes up and down the hills, and needing to recharge his bodice, and the cuttles, he stopped in the front door-jamb, whereupon he was shown in by the valet, Mr. Razumikhin, whereupon he was seated in the parlour, whereupon there were displayed on the tables and the chairs and the ledgers and the sconces all manner of fine imported cigars, and they had been clipped and good to smoke, on a blustry night, and the heath was warm and roaring with life, and cracking with a lovely pops, and sausages were roasting over it, and there was many spirits on the benches, for the guests to enjoy, and bourbon, and scotch, and whiskey, and whisky, and vodka, for it was traditonal, and whereupon Mr. Nikolaus disembarked his woes, and his worries, and his strifes, and his passions of worldly affaires, and he sat and drinked and smoked and had a very merry time, and there was festive music, by Mr. Beethoven, and it was dignified was to spend one cold blustry night.

But Mr. Nikolaus, upon making himself comfortable, and occupying his yournger sibling with games, and japes, and gambols, and jigs, and torture, and then he did set upon his snifter, and took out his silver cigarette case, and smoked 2 of them, and then ventured to look over towards the other side of the parlour, and he noticed an older lady, who was behaving most immodestly, and he said to her, Ms. Katherine Ivanova , why do you behave so immodestly in a public vestibule? And she did not reply, for she was consumed, with consumption, and though Mr. Nikolus was a gentlemen, he did become too excited at the exposure of the lady, and he did become aroused and soiled her petticoat, and she was very upset, and later, when Mr. Nikolaus retired to his palace, he did mourn it, and it was good.

2 comments:

Cavalcadeofcats said...

This is exactly true, except for all the parts that aren't.

I love the parenthetical (San Fransisco), though. After all the descriptors!

King Kessler said...

You're so good at setting the atmosphere! And subsequently describing an event of little to no consequence.