King Kessler's Tips for a Great Life

You may be familiar with my imaginary friend Theophilus. Actually, you haven't been until now, because I only named him recently. However, I was chatting with him recently, and he maintained that some of the advice I'd given him could actually be quite useful to people living outside the small scope of my brain. As such, the transcript's relevant bits follow.

Theophilus (16:30:49): matthew had idea
Theophilus (16:30:53): do you think it god
King Kessler (16:30:58): :O
Theophilus (16:30:59): that I 8===========D
Theophilus (16:31:05): with that woman
King Kessler (16:31:22): Which one?
King Kessler (16:31:38): The one one or her sister?
Theophilus (16:31:43): both?
Theophilus (16:31:49): at the same time
King Kessler (16:32:34): Probably, but I kinda doubt that they'd be willing to participate.
Theophilus (16:32:43): why
King Kessler (16:35:11): There's a variety of possible reasons, but I'm not sure which of them would apply.
Theophilus (16:35:30): please list several
King Kessler (16:38:01): For one thing, it's traditional to be wary of having sex with one's sibling, among certain cultures.
King Kessler (16:39:30): For some of these same cultures and others, it's traditional to wait until marriage to have sex (with the person to whom one is married).
King Kessler (16:43:22): For more people, it's traditional to abstain from having sex with more than one person at a time, both in the sense of simultaneousness and that of having multiple partners who may or may not be aware of the other.
Theophilus (16:43:48): im still not convinced
King Kessler (16:44:43): I'm saying that any of these may or may not apply to the people into whom you want to 8=======D.
King Kessler (16:45:00): You should ask them to be sure.
Theophilus (16:45:05): ok how should i ask
King Kessler (16:46:27): /me is pondering.
King Kessler (16:47:07): "Hey, would it be cool if I had simultaneous intercourse with you and your sister?"
Theophilus (16:47:23): :OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
King Kessler (16:47:36): And then she'll totally think you're cool because you used a big word like "intercourse".
Theophilus (16:48:08): :O:O:O:O:O:O
Theophilus (16:48:14): is that all?
Theophilus (16:48:24): or is there more from that brain of yours of infinite wisodm
King Kessler (16:48:51): You could preface or postface it with more big words, for good measure.
King Kessler (16:49:59): http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/RandomWord/RandomWordPlus.aspx
King Kessler (16:50:22): Select "Obscure" for Complexity.
King Kessler (16:50:32): You can't go wrong with that.
Theophilus (16:50:36): ok
Theophilus (16:50:45): is there anything else i should know?
King Kessler (16:51:18): /me ponders.
King Kessler (16:51:40): Name Finder, from the same site:
King Kessler (16:51:41): http://watchout4snakes.com/creativitytools/Monika/Monika.aspx
King Kessler (16:52:12): You could get yourself Christened as Earnest, but I'm not sure how timeless that is.
King Kessler (16:53:08): I'm not sure whether or not it depends on the current century.
King Kessler (16:53:23): So browse some names on there, just to be safe.
King Kessler (16:53:48): I think that's all I got for your current goal.
Theophilus (16:53:51): o ok
Theophilus (16:54:07): if i actually did this would you accept respionsibility of
Theophilus (16:54:13): the consequences
King Kessler (17:00:36): These are just recommendations.
King Kessler (17:01:16): They may or may not be the views of ourselves or our sponsors, affiliates or parent organizations.
Theophilus (17:01:33): so
Theophilus (17:01:41): do you think i should actually do it
King Kessler (17:02:24): We do not guarantee or even expect that these recommendations will enable you to 8====D.
King Kessler (17:02:45): If you like.
Theophilus (17:02:46): k