Legend of the Comb

Many years ago, a pink comb rolled off the assembly lines of a Goody hair-styling products factory in Atlanta, Georgia. Many combs were made that day - but this one was different. This one was imbued - with DESTINY.

For much of the time between that fateful manufacturing and today, the comb moved passively through life, a mere objects in the hands (and hair) of other. But on March 14th, 2005, it passed into my hands - and thereby, sensing my great wisdom, strength, and physical strength, activated. Glowing, it spoke to me, saying "O great master, your virtues have awakened me. With my powers, make this world into a Paradise."



I replied - with no great shock, as this thing tended (and tends) to happen to me frequently, due to those aforementioned virtues - "O comb of unparalled power & pinkness, should I accept your offer, what can you contribute to my most holy of causes?" The comb paused. Up to that moment, it had been certain that it was making an undeniable offer. It could not concieve of a person of such strength as to refuse the assistance of a magical, talking, pink comb. Now, though, doubt entered its plastic core.

As I turned to walk away, the Comb of Destiny shouted after me - "Wait! Though I may not be worthy to join your retinue, surely there is some manner in which I may serve you!" I pondered on this for a short while, and then decided. "O Comb, thine place in my service shall be thus: At the turn of each equinox, you may join me - but only for the week surrounding each. So in the change of the seasons shall your comb help separate the good from the ill; so shall the relentless sorting of your teeth not split this world apart." And it was so.

So is it that, twice every year, I appear at school with a pink comb in my pocket. It is the price I pay for a better world.