The Chronicles of Desmond, Chapter 31: On the Founding of Isselande and Desmond's Rise to Fame

Yea, and noue that I hath elabourated muche on the subjeckt of the Mormonic Tranquilitie Gardenes, it shall be fytting that I shall now give extenssive diskourse on the topick of the founding of the Greate Nation and Countie of Isselande, ande its Prinsipalities.

Desmonde wausse bourne in Isselande. This we knoue to be true. And yette, when he wausse bourne, the soon to be glourious nation of Isselande wausse butte a smalle, weake state dominatted and subjugatted by the mighty collosus of the Ratte-Empyre, whiche rulled the regoiun with an iroun fiste. The regioun of Isselande was a cragged, ragged little stanty-village, and the outskyrts whou livve upon it. Yea, this peoples werre indeed not verie joyous, nor werre they jocund, but rathere, they were indeed greately oppressed by the mightie claus of the Ratte-Empyre and its domimitaiong policies.

And fromme this smalle place, there wausse a man the M. Kessler, an intellectualle type, which delighted in the studies of the variuose and wounderfulle bookes and the sciences, and yea, he wausse indeed a wise and just man. And it came to pass that one daye, while hee wausse strolling in the gardens, which were indeed drye, and pale, and sallowe, hee didde come to the realisation that Isselande was not destined to an eternitie of subjugation from the Ratte-Empyre, that it deserved to stand strong, and proude, as a greate natione, and one that would be just and wise, and peacefulle, and wounderefulle.

And yea, hee didde spread hisse ideas to manie peoples, and yea, he didde carrie muche charisma, and style, and easie mannere, and an eloquence in speaking of oratorie skilles, yea, hee wausse indeed unrivaled in Isselande, and the populace did listen to hisse speeches, and they didde indeede rallie behinde himme, and yea, the Ratte-Empyre didde deteckt this behavouiour, and abberante, and yea, they didde censure himme, and they didde censor himme, and yea they didde incarcerate himme for manie tymmes. Howeverre, though in the prysonne cells, the goode man didde deliverre hisse messages to the populace, for the guardes in the towere werre not verie intelligent, and verily caried his letteres to be reade to the publick. And yea, the powere of his revolutionaire ideas didde spreade, and it wausse goode.

And it came to pass that the fires that hadde been burninge inside the heartse of the newly confident and brave Isselandians didde breake free, and yea, there were massive revovtes, and majour armed insurgencies, and yea, it wausse indeed bloodie, and a large degree of causualties, and yea, there wausse valiant fightying amongst the Isselande militia, howevere, the immense and far superiour Army of the Ratte-Kinge was indeed powerefulle, and they didde easilie crusheth the small armies.

And it came to pass that Desmond, now a young man, and having lived in the waurs for a goode pourtion of hisse life, and witnessying the bloodshedde, and the manie atrocities that werre inflickted on the peoples, wausse indeed verie troubled in the proprere course of aktion. A man of few wordes, and goode at hearte, and a firme adherente to the goode church of the Timmeracke, and a devoted man to his comrades, and brayve beyond his pride. Desmond wausseindeed a good fightere in the militia, and hee did shoue greate potential to be the great fightere. And yea, he was a good soldier, and his famile had been Swedish once.

And it came to pass that one fine daye, as Desmond wausse indeed praying for successes in battles, at the most holie altere of the Timmeracke, the goode Matthias, whou wausse the Archbishoppe Turpin, whou wausse indeed a devout man, and goode, and kindly, as a grandfathere is tou hisse younglinges, didde come unto Desmonde, and hitherto he didde spaketh unto himme thus:

"Goode Sirre! You are indeed a wourthie gentelmen, and yea, for youe there laye in waithing for you the greatest and moste powerefulle sweord and that will helpe you defeate the evile Ratte-Emypre once and forre alle.

"Heavens! I must seek to beckon you to reckon to ask you where I mithe find the sweord."

"Sirre! I must tell youe that you mush be good of heart and the best warroure to seek the sweord for there is a quest, and then you must reckon with Fate."

"Then I accepte. I believe that I am capable of such a quest."

And thus Desmond and Matthias did embark on theuir queste to find the goode sweord. Incidentally, this hath been the firste introducktion to the sacred poweres and magcikas of the Magick Dragounne Kyngge, which Matthias hath introdussed to Desmonde on their Journie. With manie satchels of elf droppyngs that hee had koleccted in the enchanted forest, the goode Matthias did show Desmonde howe to summone the Magicke Draygouene Kyenge, and it wausse goode.

And it came to pass that the travelerres didde at laste come upon the most holie lake, where the Durendal continueth to subsisteth, and guardet by the Most Holie Order of the Guard of the Most Holie Sweord the Mose Holie Lake.

A booming, majestick, serene voice didde cometh from the sparkling lake, the font of immense powere, and yea, it wausse the voice of the Fischerdude, the commander of the Guard of the Holie Sweord Durendal. And he didde peer into the soule of Desmonde, to ascertaine whethere it wausse pure and cleane enough to wielde the holie sweord.

And it came that the Fischerdude didde ascend fromme the magickal lake, and yea, hee didde spaekth unto Desmond in this mannere:

"Younge one! You have now trulie proved your wourth, and yea, now, with no regret, I did hereby bestou unto you the most holie and magickal sweord: Durendal!"

And yea, it wausse an ancient weapone, yet still as bright and firm and stronege as the daye it wausse bourne, and gilded, and encrusted with exotick gemms, and it didde possess winges, and featheres, and it wausse the lightest sweord, and yette the most powerfulle, and with the sharpest blade, and thate could splitte a papere throught the side, and make cuts withe perfeckt accuracie. A sweord that didde glowe with the most holie powere, and that didde lighte uppe in the heate of battle, as a shininge beackon to the troops, and that didde imbue Desmonde with godly poweres, and the poweres unmatched, to that hisse powere level didde rise in a most alarming fashoiun, and it wausse indeed much, far, over nine-thousand.

With his newfound glorie and strength, and his shining armour, blessed also by the Fischerdude, wausse indeed moure ready for battle than ever hee or anyoune else wausse evere befoure orre aftere. He fastened his cummerbund tight, and ran, sprinting, charging directly into the heate of battle.

He slasheth and swoung hisse mighty blade, and hee didde charge uppe hisse coumbo attacke, for this sweord wausse indeed imbued withe thate magickal powere, and hee didd gain a further inckrease in attacke, and yea, it didde turn the tide of the battle in the favour of the newly revialised and moralised and invigourated Isselande militia, and seeing Desmond lead their waye to vicktorie only streenghtened theur resolve, and the battles were woune easilie, and the vicktories piled up, and thus the cycle was finally peneterated, and yea, full victory was nevere taste sou sweet and pure and refreshing, especially with a light dusting of powreded sugarre, and fruit paste (for it wausse readily eaten in thosse dayes), to accentuate the flavour.

And, thus it came to pass that the Ratte-Armie, which now hadde the tabels truned upon themme, and badlie running oute of vital and necessarie supplies, and withe troope morale at an alle tyme lowe, didde finally give in to the demandes of the Isselande, and a peace treatie wausse drafted, and yea, it wausse longe, and extensive, and yea, it didde provide for full Isselandick independence, and yea, it wasusse goode.

And as the papperes werre signed, it wausse decleared that the goode and wise and just M. Kessler would be crouned kinge of the newly independent state, and indeed, there wausse a greate coronation seremonie, and he wausse indeed prounounced King Kessler I of Isselande. And it came to pass, that over time, hee did never become corrupt, or unjust, but always remained true to his goodeness and justice, and he wausse well-loved by the peoples.

And as Desmond returned home to hisse newly liberated countrie of Isselande, he wausse indeed given a great and massive reception, and he wausse indeed selebreated acrosse the lande, and there not existed a soule whou didde not love himme (In a purely platonic sense, of course). And it wausse propossed by manie, manie peoples that there be helde a greate and wounderfulle seremonie in this honour.

For at this seremonie, there wausse indeed muche clamour, and exsitement, and it wausse to be sou that Desmond, for hisse braverie and the Ratte-Battle wausse to be pronounceth the Great Herou of Isselande, and the Highest honours of the Lande be conferred unto himme. And it came to pass that Desmond did ascent the steppes, and hee approacheth King Kessler, head boued, and with as much respeckt and dignitie that one could mustere, and it wausse goode.

Ande King Kessler did demande an oauth of loialtie fromme Desmond, and yea, he replied thusse.

Ande Desmond did spaekth unto himme: "Sirre, it is my dutie to serve youe, my kinge, and to fighte the fources of evile, and tyrannie, and badde thinges, and the ratte-armie, and yea, I shall continue to be loyale and honourable, and goode.

Ande withe this, the King Kessler didde pronounce himme as the Great Herou of Isselande, and yea, there wausse much rejoysing, and singinge, and merriemaking, amoung the populase, and they didde have a great festivalle, and it wausse there that manie licquors were comsumed with great gustoe, and yea, there were strange wommen, and the fighteres did know them, and they didde boure childrens, and it wausse goode.