The Chronicles of Desmond, Chapter 29: The Mormonic Tranquility Gardens

Yea, I hath nou elabourated muche on the subjeckts of The Origines of the Ratte-Kinge, and also of the Glouriouls Adventures of Desmond, the Noble herou of Isselande. But now I shall begin a comprehensivve chronickle and historie of the regoins and areas of the most Glourious nation of Isselande, and their Serene Majetic Pulchritudes. And yea, I shall begin with the Historie of the Mormonic Tranquility Gardens.

In a purre and majestick and most serene lande, there flowed fourth fromme the magickkal Rivver of Graagous, a most beautaeceous and splendidde Gardenne, that didde sparkkle with sempiternalle bryalliance, in the sunlighte. And yea, it didde contayne manie plantes, and triees, and floueres, and smalle woudlande creatures, which didde frolick peacefullie in the meadous, and yea, the wauterres that floued from the sanckuarie wausse indeed cleare, and true potable, and sweete. And it came to pass, that the Ratte-Kinge, upon hearing of thisse magickal place, whene the Ratte-Magistrates and Surveyours hath spake unto himme of it, and consyderring it a fyne lockation to builde a summere palace, whereupon, like all Rattes, he would consume hisse excrement. Yea, hee hath dispached a smalle armie to claime this Magickal place for himmeselfe, and upon this knouledge reachinge Isse-Lande, the goode King Kessler didde ferverentlie decklare that this lande mustte be resserved for the sole benifit of the Citizens of Isse-Lande, The League of Desmond. For King Kessler didde know that the Ratte-Kinge would use this Lande for Purposses of greate Evile, and yea, that should be notte allouwd to come to this most Holie Lande, and it was good.

And with thisse, The Greate Herou Desmonde wausse dispatched by the the Kinge Kessler, and yea, he did journey for manie myles, and it wausse difficulte, but Desmonde hath prepareth for this contingeicie by bringinge sevveral satchelles of Elf-Dungge that hee hadde koleckted in the Enchanted Foureste. And yea, hee didde summoun the Magick Dragone Kingge manie tymes to give himme strengthe duringe the journie. And it came to pass that Desmond hath reacheth the Gardenne where the Ratte-Kinge and hisse Ratte-Troupes hath setteh uppe an enckanpment, and yea, it wausse fortified with cannons, and mortares, and pestels, and cummerbunds, and yea, it was good.

And it came to pass that Desmond didde come unto the encampment, and yea, upon seeing the Ratte-Kinge plotting the evile councquering and subdueing of the Magick Gardens, and also viewing their Splendour for the firste tyme, and being amased and in awe of the Bueatie, and didde resolve fyrmlie to defeat the Ratte-Kinge, and his Ratte-Guardes, thene and there, and it was good. And yea, Desmond hath spake and shouted manie insultes and profanities unto the Rattes. And yea, hee didde utter hisse final boaste.

"I've never known fear! As a you-"

"Silence!", Nikoulasse crieth.

"Fool! Dou not interrupte my speeche, for I am a mastere of wourdes. And my Famile had been Swedish once."

"Enough! We shalle dou battle. Now, have at you!"

And yea, there wausse a greate battle, and it wausse fought valaintlie on bothe sydes, and the Ratte-Guardes didde give their lives to protecte thier Kinge, but yet, they werre nou matche for the power of Desmond and his sweord. And he Unsheathed Durendal, and it was good. And yea, hee didde use manie attackes, and bloode wausse spilt, but in the Ende, the Rattes didde retreate from the Mightie powere of Desmond. And it came to pass that the Ratte-Encampment wausse removed, and burned, and then burned again, for it wausse well known that the Ratte-Kinge, Nikoulasse, dothe consume hisse own excrements, and it was good.

And it came to pass that the Gardene wausse named the Mormonic Tranquility Garden, and yea much of the goode-times were had there, and it wausse made into a splendide National Parke of Isselande, and yea, the people didde enjoy tea (decaffainated, or course) and biscuits there, and it wausse indeede verie good.