Bird-Gecko Mamluks

In the early nineteenth century, wild land speculation in the early West led to a rash of 'wildcat banks'. These banks would loan money for risky land deals, filling a niche that larger, stabler banks would not. Their frequent collapses eventually created a financial panic, leading to federal intervention. In the meantime, though, they had a great influence on the West. Their name comes from a well-publicized venture, in which such a bank financed a scheme to tame wildcats and use them to cultivate the rocky slopes of the Appalachians. The scheme failed, of course, which contributed to its notoriety. A stranger and more interesting tale yet is that of the Bird-Gecko Janissaries.

In 1844, Albert Schermencher conceived of a grand plan. The deserts of the far west were, at that time, nearly impassable. Horses were incapable of traveling through them, falling to illnesses of dehydration and heat. Schermencher knew, however, that the deserts of the Near East held a solution; the noble camel, perfectly suited to desert conditions. Why not import some of them? Of course, Western riders would be unable to ride these creatures; proper riders must be brought across the Atlantic, as well. Schermencher, funded in this unlikely attempt by reckless wildcat bankers, chose to hire only the best: the paramilitary Mamluks, one-time rulers of Egypt and now mercenaries frequently in the service of the French. If any would ride his camels to success in the New World, it would be them.

Schermencher's venture met some success, but profits were limited, and costs (running and initial) were high. His creditors were hard upon him to improve his returns; certain of them had taken to having armed enforcers pass by Schermencher's house at regular intervals. Schermencher, thus pressed, undertook a dramatic breeding program to improve every aspect of the camel. To improve the stock itself, he sought to breed the camels with horses and asses, so as to improve their endurance and tractability. Once these misbegotten creatures were born, he lined their sleeping quarters with the eggs of poultry and ostriches - so as to improve their speed by association - and laced their food with gecko limbs immersed in snake oil. Most of these poor beasts died of their treatment, and Schermencher's business collapsed. He died poor, his dream of easy Western travel left for the Iron Horse to fufill.


One camel, though - one single colt - lived through Schermencher's programme. It was everything that he dreamed of - ostrich-headed, gecko-tailed, swift and tough and tame. When the rest of the Mamluks returned to the Near East after Schermencher's paycheques stopped arriving, one stayed with this strange creature. They wandered the desert together, living off of small animals and cactus juice. Even to this day, some still say that they witness such a camel and rider - or, even more rarely, a small herd of them, riding gloriously though the desert sands.

Perhaps Schermencher did succeed, after all.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story was inspired by a very small sketch I made of 'a Janissary riding a camel', which David then magnified. It was... a very bad sketch. David's interpretation made it too hilarious not to create a story around.