txt ptry

(Part of an assignment for class that I thought would be interesting enough to blaggify.)

Sent by Jerome D..

Version 1:

I've been looking at the railing outside the Computer Science building lately. It's a long ramp, pretty shallow, probably for wheelchair use. But the problem is, one, it's the only way into the building from that side (unless you want to go into the basement and use the elevator!), and two, it's bent backwards - the ramp goes along the side of the building, in exactly the wrong direction from the only one I ever want to go in. So, okay, I just have to climb the goddamn ramp and jump off if I want to get where I'm going without going along the whole length of the thing, twice. No big deal. It's about three, four feet tall. But here's what gets me: there's a metal railing on the corner - tall enough to make climbing over it, from one side or another, take even longer than walking around it is! What's the point? Afraid that someone's going to break their neck from a three-foot fall? It's so goddamn phony, Phoebe - probably designed by a bunch of phonies in their phony suits and phony ties - it just kills me, that's all.

Version 2 (what I'll turn in):

Hrs wt rly gets 2me
that rmp @ ebu3
its 2 lng & nt so hi
nds a rail if u fall u dnt die
the rail mns u cnt gt off & of crs thrs no str
wt dmn phonies said ndd 2b thr

(bonus blag-only bit):
i tll u feebe
it jst klls me.

Gloss of Version 2 (this will also probably be turned in):

Here's what really gets to me
that ramp at EBU-3
It's too long and not so high [that it]
needs a rail[ing] [so] if you fall, you don't die
The rail[ing] means you can't get off* and of course there's no stair*
what damn phonies said [it] needed to be there[?]

(bonus bit, over 160 character limit):
I tell you, Phoebe,
it just kills me.

*The cause of the narrator's irritation is a ramp - a handicapped ramp, basically - that provides the only entrance to a building, EBU-3. It's a long ramp, it goes along the building in the opposite direction from that in which the narrator generally wishes to go (so that he has to retrace his path next to the ramp, in the other direction, every time he uses it), and it has a railing blocking off the corner, which would otherwise be a perfect jump-off/climb-on point to avoid the longer walk around.

It's a pretty minor thing to complain about, but that's the narrator for you.

Exaggerated from a passing thought this author had earlier today, then turned into doggerel. My favourite kind of verse.