Monday, February 16, 2009

Penicillin and the Modern Man

In a hot air balloon, a pair of men prepare for a duel high over Paris!

A brief convocation is held - in French, as all conversation shall be for the remainder of the piece, translated for the reader's convenience. "We shall separate the connection between our balloons and wait for one full minute to pass, that we might have adequate separation. Then we shall fire our pistols in an attempt to strike and deflate the other's balloon. Whichever of us should do so first will be considered the victor of the duel. Should neither succeed in this task before emptying the stock of ammunition within their weapon, it shall be declared a draw, and all grievances between us declared moot and void."

"Begin!"

A minute passes. They drift apart.

"For the lady Aveline!" the duelists cry, and open fire with their weapons. The shots of each fly far, but each has two remaining when - to their startled surprise - a flight of motor-zeppelins pass between them!

"Get out of the way!" the angry duelists shout, waving their pistols about wildly. "We are having a duel here! This is no place for a zeppelin-cavalcade!"

But the zeppelins continue on in a seemingly endless procession! In fact - they're circling around! It's a zeppelin-loop - obstructing the fight!

The combatants mutually decide that they should change altitudes. But the zeppelins follow! The duel is doomed!

"What is your problem?" the duelists demand of the zeppelin-pilots, united in frustration at this impingement on their manly ritual. "Why do you prevent us from pursuing this matter to its natural conclusion?"

"We are your friends!" the nearest of the zeppelin-pilots replies. "We do not wish either of you to die for the love of a woman - plummeting a half-mile onto the stone roofs and streets of Paris as your balloon loses buoyancy! Come back to us, come down from this suicidal nonsense! This can be settled peacefully!"

The duelists look perplexed. They cannot comprehend this request. Their eyes flash. Then - they explode!

What vileness! Not one, but both duelists sent a robotic decoy to take their place! How unscrupulous! How unmanly! How shameful!

The lady Aveline's heart will never be won with such tactics. Realizing this, both of the cowardly duelists give up their suit at once! They vow to turn over a new leaf, and begin a life of honesty and openness.

Their friends inform them that this 'new life' can begin with retrieving the balloons left pilotless and adrift by the destruction of their robot-duplicates.

This is probably fair enough.

1 comment:

Calvacadeofcats said...

it reminds me of my own lyfe