Nikoulouse the Fradeulente Manne

ONE DAY, 'twere a gent' whose name 'twere Nikoulouse, a scyentist by trade was hee, and full of his sayles in the windes breezzes, much as crackars sizzel in the hogge's fatte. 'Twere the yeare in which the realm of mathematicics was abuzze, and forthwith the conceptes of the vecteurs 'twere proposéed, and the scyentists did revel in the useage of such mathematickal devyses, did they drink much beere and meade upon the cobbeled roades. And so the Nikoulous, being an entreprysing young gent, he went and devysed a new methode for the computation of the summes, and the products, and the divisores of the vecteures, and he saith, that there shall be a functione, and whose properties did not dyverge from that of normale functiones, insofar as it did take a quantity that was unknowne, and transficks it, and transforme it, by some powere of God, into a different quantity, which was equally unknown as the firste, however, Nikoulous did decree, that the functione in the instence, would take in an vecteur as its first ligande, and transfix it, by some powere of God, and emitte another vecteur at the producte, such that he called it a fielde of vectures, for each point on a chart of numbres which was arrainged longitudinally, and lattidudinally, shalt resembel a wilde fielde, for it resembled the wheate fieledes of his youthe. 

Thusly, did he submitte it to the Royale Academie of Scyentistes, and did they delight and amusse them selfes in it, and grante him a large summe of currencie, and calves, and hogges, and sheepe, and dogges, and cattes, and myce, for his hay-lofte, and he took this monnaie, and he paide it to the land-lorde, as a dowrie, and he was wedde to the doughter of the land-lorde, and he consummated his marreige, and it was moste vigourous, and excyting.