Tuesday, February 03, 2009

nikolas-style story : Robots and Wizzards

The City. The day is 2400. In the building there are some robots being made, there names are not names, but they are numbers, because it is the futur. There is a man with a eyepach, and a long, grey beard, who looks at the robots forlornly, and he thinks, that the robots are evil, because they are bad. He is also a wizzard. This is because he knows how to use the elements of magic. Also, the planet they are on is not in this Sector, it is in a Different Sector, this sector also has not a name, it has a number, because it is the futur. There are trees that are growing up from the ground, and they have magic that flows outside of them, so people who are wizzards can go up to a tree and take it into their fingers, and shoot it at people. This works, because it is the futur. However, people on the city do not use magic, they drive cars that are made of steam, and helicopters, that are made of steam, and they wear clothes, and all the buildings are round, instead of rectangular, this is because it is the futur. 


The old man is named Razkolnikov, people think that this is a strange name, but it is not, because it is the futur. He goes into the corporate headquarters, of the company that produces the Robots, and he talks to the President of the company. He says, "The robot is Evil. It must not be produce, because it steal the magic from the tree that grow upon the Planet. You care all about is moneys, not peoples and trees, so you are evil." The President retorts sharply. "The Wizzards are evil. They take the magic from tree and shoot it at people. This is bad thing, because people is being kill. So robot not kill a man, it was said by a man who wrote a Law of Robot, 400 year ago." They look each other in the eye with fervour, and a rage that is very intense. Then the President says, you must be destroyed, because the wizzards are bad people. He calls in two burlesque security guards, who take guns in their hands, and robots that look like a monkey on their shoulder, which throws lasers on to Razkolnikoff, but he shoots a water element from his hand, because he can use the magic. The water is the opposite of a laser, so they are cancelced. Raskolikov says, "Ha. Ha! Mr President. You cannot use power of a robot against the magic. The magic is strong because it come from Plante." President then says: "Curses! Cruise you Raskolnikoff, you are a bad man." Razkolnikov says, "No! You are a Bad man!" Then he takes a fire element from his hand and shoots it at the monkeys and they are disintegreted, because fire element is the opposite of the metal element, so they canceled. Also, Raskolnikov is the leader of the wizzards.

Suddenly, a Robot comes off the assembly line. The robot is bad, because one of its silicones was not designed properly, and it became evil. The robot says, "Now I will kill all of you, because it is what a Robot supposed to do." They say: "No! Robot is not supposed to kill people." But it is too late, because the robot shoots a laser from his laser beam, and it deflects off of the mirror on the wall, but, since all the Buildings are Round, in the futur, it Deflects all over the place. Raskolnikov shoots a ice element from his hand, because of the Ice was the opposite of the laser element. This is how magic works. It covers the room, and destroys many things, but it cancels the laser. However, one of the security guards was in the way, and it hit him on the Brain, and it kills him. "No!" the President says, "Do not die." However, he is dead. 

Razkolnikov says, "People should not shoot people with magic, because if you are shoot with a magic, and then you are kill. People die when they are killed." Then the President says, "Maybe A robot is not safe as we think. Robot can be dangerous if they kill people, because people die if robot kill them." Then there is a conference, and there is a Robot Corporation, and the High Wizzards, and they said, that it was bad to kill people, so they stopped using the Robots, and they took the magic from the Trees, and they used it to fight Globel Warming, and it was good. 

4 comments:

Cavalcadeofcats said...

THIS IS THE BEST STORY OF ALL TIME

I CANNOT GET ENOUGH

Favorite lines:

"so people who are wizzards can go up to a tree and take it into their fingers, and shoot it at people. This works, because it is the futur." (And the rest of the "because it is the future" lines.)

"burlesque security guards"

"Also, Raskolnikov is the leader of the wizzards."

""No!" the President says, "Do not die." However, he is dead. "

It is a wonderful nikolas-style tale. Encore, encore!

Kelsey said...

THIS IS TRULY A WORK OF CAKE

AND LOVE

Those lines are my favorites too, also this:

"This is how magic works."

blog said...

Am I the only one who started reading this with a Borat accent halfway through and found it even funnier?

Cavalcadeofcats said...

Probably!