THE KRONICLE OF NIKOLAS

IN A TOWN CALLED WESSEX,

there lived a young lad who was called nikolas, because he would sometimes Nick-a-las[t](piece of pie from the platter). He was a bright lad, so when he became 20 he went off the the university to study the adding machines, and the steam-trains, and the livers. Now we jump forward in to the time where young nikolas has settled down at the University, and he has made the acquaintance of many a young lady.

Kelsey, said : "nikolas, I think you are a homosexual. you should have sex with a girl to prove you are not a homosexual. " Nikolas said " I will show you, most rude and callous sir" 

So he went to his dormotory and planned a plan. He knew at least 2 young ladies, one of whom lived across the street from him, another of which he was intimately acquainted with though a collabourative project, and who, incidentally, was from the indian subcontinent, and whom, owing to a bad experience on one of Nikolas's adventures to the indian subcontinent, at which he was shot by a rogue tiger, and a hippo-potamus, he had a profound distataste for. 

To this, kelsey said : "nikolas, I think you are a quite lilly-livred. On my expitditions to the indian subcontinent I not only managed to evade being shot at by two tigres and hippo-pottamuse, but a giraffe, a lion, and a mountain goat. Nikolas said "I will show you yet, you most foul chap."

The third girl that nikolas knew was the most mysterious to the three, and who studied the mathematics with him, and, dewing to the fact that she was mysterious, he did not wish to copulate with.

Then Kesley said "Ha, Sir, I must say that your knowledge of mathematics pales in comparison to mine, for I have mastered what I call  "The calculus", as taught to me by my good friend Mr Issack Newtone. 

The nikoals becamed in alarum, and he was in a most foul mood. He decided, for the time being, that he would concentrate his efforts on the first of the young ladies, who was named Rachelle, after his catte. 

For two days, thus did the nikolas go slipped quitely through the halls of the buildings, creeping as a serpente, stalking her moves, and trasing her shawdows with his forcked tongue, and smelling her scent with his flared nostrils. 

Then he decided that he would do something actually constructive

He went to her room, across the street from his own, and knocked hard on the door. She opened and greeted him warmley.

The he said , "why dont you come over here, and sit on my lap, and we can talk about the first thing that pops up !" To this aim, she was most enthralled, and embarrassed, for she was a virgine, and she did not have carnale knowledge, and then Kelsey said, "would you like me to show you" And she said to him "No ,vile man! " 

Kelsey, in utter surprise, and most flustered, quickly returned home to groom his plumed feathers, and polish his beak.

Nikolas, however, who was a gentleman in all courses, said, "Rachal, you must be quite undermined by that callous advence. let me confort you by rubbing your body with linament oil."

To this she replied, "O what a kind sentiment"

Then nikolas went unto her bedchambers and he took a bottle of oil , and a brush,  to apply it. Then he underssed her, making sure to not gaze upon her bare form, for he was a chrisitan. 

After the rubbing was completed, he penetrated her.

The next morning, she complemeted him on his technique.

Moral: a bird in the hand is better than being a bush