the good bok

The Second Book Of Matthew

Chapter I

1 In the beginning, there was a Matthew, yea, he did sojourn to the house of the Nikolous, on day which was warme, and hot, and he did enter the house, and accost the Nikolous.
2 And he said unto the Nikolous: “Come, my childe, the day is hot, yea, and the festivals is imminent upon us. Let us go and find a chariout and ride upon it and find the baron Kessler and celebrate the coming of the festival with a celebration.”
3 And they found a chariout, and they took it to the eastern lakes, where many trees and flouers growed, and they entered the Chateau of the Kessler, and they accosted his guard-man.
4 Thus the guard-man retreated into the Chateau, and he retrieved the Kessler, who was without clothing, or dignitie, yea, the Matthew and the Nikolous did sheath their eyes, and their genitales, and it was good.
5 And Nikolous told the Kessler of the celebration, and he agreed most hartily, and he went and he obtained his travelling-cloke, and his hatte, and his spell-binding bookes.
6 Then the three men soujourned to the Manor of the Nikolous, and had turnip soup and bread and milk, and then they said a prayer, yea, for they were good Christians, and Jewes, and Moslems.
7 And the father of the Nikolous did give a reading from the good booke, whereupon the men did eagerly listen, and know its message, and they were much aroused.
8 And then they went into the parlour roome, where the childe of the Nikolous slept on the floor, and he was without clothes, and the men did sheathe their eyes, and it was goode.
9 Thus did the men play manners of country games, and they did make rude noises, and gestures, and argue, and tears were shed.
10 And then Matthew did leave, with the men, in seperate vesicles, and they arrived at the festival.
11 And it came to pass that Matthew arrived at the festival hall, and the Nikolous and the Kessler were in a different vesicle, and they did not desire to step in to the sunne, for they were vampyres, and goate-men, and they cried and wailed in agony when they came upon it.
12 And then Matthew beckoned them to come to the entrance halle, and he entered it, but they did not, for they were cowardes, and weak-men, and fools, and without a spine, and ashamed, and abashed, and miserly.

Chapter II

1 And it came to pass that Matthew saw many people with whom he was acquainted, and antiquated, and yet many people with whom he was not.
2 And he saw many country people, and people of the city, and those who were pleasant, and those who were not.
3 And he saw the nephew of Charlemange, with him was a womon, who was beautaceous, and pleasant, and Matthew tooke them outside to see the cowardly men who had abandoned them, and they attempted to shout, and bellow, and croacke, and yelle at them.
4 But the men who were cowardly were no longer men, for they had already been transformed into mouses, who were small, and timide, for they were punished for their sinns, as is juste, and it was good.
5 Thus it came to pass that Matthew did go back in and mingle with the populace, and much ungentlemanly behaviour was occuring, and there was debauchery, and baccanilia, and it was good.
6 And Matthwe did accost every man and womon whom he did remember, in a pleasant way, and it brought him much pleasure.
7 However, Matthew was influenced by the divel, who whispered sins and lies into his eare, and he did question the gentility of his new comrades, and he did question their fidelity, and he did begin to feel uncomfortable, and he did conteplate leaving the place.
8 And he did observe many men and womons be painted in portraits, and he did partake in several himselfe, and he did accost many womons himselfe.
9 However Matthew was still bemoaning, and discontent, for his desires for his own womon who would accompany him brought him much griefe, and he was sad, and he slached himself about the wristes, for he was emotionale, and it was good.
10 And when Matthew had recovered, to his surprize, he saw many womons accoste him, in a pleasant manner.
11 And he did drinke many strong beverages, and sprites, and licquores, and lithiated lemon soda, he felt himself better.
12 And a womon whom he had previously hitt upon for the festival did come unto him and stand very close to him, and talke with him, and said that she wished to do ta-wi-ton with him, and there was much ribaldry, and excitement.
13 And Matthew grew excited by this prospect, and his man-thing stood up proudly, however, he covered it with his cummerbund, and it was good.
14 Thus he became pleased, and he did embarke with the others unto the magick carraige that would take them to the harbour, and it was good.