Monday, March 30, 2009

Nikolas and the Octopoids

Nikolas was concerned.

He was being menaced!

Not by the octopoids, mind you. They were perfectly peaceful - friendly, even! They were currently helping Nikolas erect a barricade. With their many arms and queer, glowing tendrils, they were quite swift in their work - faster than Nikolas himself!

(What are the octopoids, you ask? Why, they're much like octopuses. They have eight arms, colour-changing skin, and eyes that are the right way around, unlike ours. The only difference is that they migrated to the Pripyat area shortly before 1986, and therefore stand eight feet tall (on average) and are covered in strange, glowing tendrils.)

(Lovely people, really.)

But Nikolas was still quite concerned, being a Nikolas. The main reason for this was the squid. It had been harassing him for some days, provoking his move to take shelter among the noble octopoids. Right now, it was breaking down the barricade in the entrance to the cave.

"All right," Nikolas said, steeling himself for battle. He picked up an aluminium spear in his hand, clumsy in the armoured diving suit with which he had equipped himself. "It'll break through in moments, so we'll all have to mob it at once, or we'll all be eaten. Giant squid do that, you know."

Crash!

The octopoids fanned out, forming a half-circle around the barricade. Glowing spores drifted from their tendrils. (This meant they were nervous.)

Crash!

"We attack on three."

"One."

Crash!

"Two."

Crash - and the squid was in, hideous face clear, tentacles and arms whipping wildly behind!

"Three!"

Nikolas and the octopoids charged, weapons upraised. Their courage was unmatched, even in the face of their abject terror at the sight of the Giant Squid - but then a cry - one single word - halted them in their tracks. (They skidded.)

"Love!" the Squid shouted joyously.

Why, it wasn't a squid at all!

It was a Kelsey!

Who could have guessed?

Nikolas was very embarrased afterwards.

Then they ate scones and hamentashen.

The End!

2 comments:

Calvacadeofcats said...

what a whomosexuel experience

Cavalcadeofcats said...

You have yet to describe to me the exact nature of a whomosexual.