Monday, March 09, 2009

The Hon. Dr. Zhang's Hon. Physics Tale

i will tell you
a physics

Do, do!

one day
in the land
of nikolas land
nikolas went to class
and the teacher was like
that german guy

(This bit is based on real life! Look, he's got his own web-site!)

and he said
you need to know
about the static

(Here he means 'static equilbria'. This is correct.)


(This is not.)

suspension bridge is the best kind
that is all you need to know
class is dismised

(A very typical class period for me!)

but niokolals was not satisfied
with this
he was
and he need to know how
to build bridge

(I'm not quite sure that I'm that kind of engineer.)
(Obviously, I need to know how to drive trains.)

so he go to physic department
and he went into like
the office
and there were a hot young womon

(How startling! Everyone knows there are no women of any sort in Physics.)

and like
she was professeur

(Excellent spelling! Very Romantic.)

but like
she was only out of
graduate schoul
for like
1 yerar
and like
she was hot
nikolas did not notice this
he is

(Okay, this characterization of me is completely accurate. It is the curse of being engineer.)

he came up to her
and he said
i am engineer
i need to know hot to make breadge
so she said
well you can ceom into my office hours
and we can talk about it

(I mentally groaned when I read this. But in a good way. You know. Like how some movies are so bad they're good? It's like that.)
(Still in a good way.)

nikolas looked like this

(There is a nikolas for every occasion, I suppose!)

so he went
into the office
of professeur
and like
she was nacked

(Good call. That might have been coming on a bit too strong. I should have been frightened right away!)

she was wear
he said
if i am bridge
how is there forces on me
to behave

(I assume that I'm emulating my German professor's speech patterns here. It makes sense.)

and he went up on his back
and so he was sticking his steomock
up in the air
a bridge
to demonstrate

(This is how engineers demonstrate everything. Naturally, there's a strong cross-over between skilled engineers and skilled contortionists.)
(My father can tell you all about it - he's a veteran engineer, after all. A master of bridges and trains.)

and professeur
i will show you
and she sit on top
of him
but like
she acdeintaly touch
his peins
and he wa saroused

(Perfectly natural.)

and he said
he fell own
because he was shochek

(Also because he was not a suspension bridge, which is the strongest kind! See, it's a callback.)

and she land on top of him
and then like
they had sex
the end

(What a plausible and satisfying conclusion!)

Yet another masterpiece of modern literature, from our very own Prof. Zhang. Give him a hand of applause, ladies and gentlemen. It's not every day that you get something like this.

(Even if he only does write about sex.)

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