Wednesday, March 26, 2008

ABHFGKC: Unicycle Nuns of Syria (S1, E1)

A tall man with a wheel strapped to his back ties up his bicycle and walks into a bar. Another man follows him in. The robed man sits down; orders a drink, with no acknowledgment of the man who followed him. Step by step, the second man walks closer to the man in robes, who gives his name to the bartender - Falolot. Then the club comes down, and for Falolot, the world goes dark.

Falolot, Hebrew from the time of Moses, traveled with Genghis Khan in an attempt to return to his own era. After the Khan's death, he set out on a quest: to reunite the scattered parts of Genghis Khan's bicycle, that he might ride once more upon the steppes. Now, his quest resumes, in:

A Biblical Hebrew From Genghis Khan's Court:
The Unicycle Nuns of Syria

Falolot wakes in a darkened room. As his eyes adjust to the dim light coming through a window above, a woman in robes arrives. She exclaims at seeing him and calls others over. They gather around him. "Oh, thank goodness you woke up!" one says in perfect, unaccented English. "We have to thank you!"

Falolot seems confused.

They explain.

They are of the ancient order of Unicycle Nuns, established a thousand years ago to ward off a plague of fleas. Supposedly. The story has been corrupted somewhat over the last millennium. In any case: they came upon Falolot, stripped of his possessions and left for dead by the side of the road. Sister Hong of course brought him for safety, where they hoped to ask him for information on his attackers; however, Falolot remained sadly unconscious, so they set out without him, leaving Sister Miranda to guard him.

Searching for clues, they came upon the ancient Cactus Sage, who wandered the desert and dispensed wisdom in exchange for candy. After Sister Grizelda traded away a long-hoarded block of chocolate, the Cactus Sage told them the location of the thugs who had assaulted Falolot and stolen everything on him. Following his directions, the Unicycle Nuns traveled to the hilltop stronghold of the local bandits. Sister Feng attempted diplomacy; the bandits shot arrows at her.

This the Unicycle Nuns, as an ancient and honorable order, would not tolerate. Sister Isabella, known for her girth, took the lead in the attack (and, thus, the bulk of the blows), while Sister Grizelda dispensed damage in close quarters with her extending umbrella-pike, Sister Anechka launched her deadly war-discii into the ranks of the bandits and Sister Mary healed the others' wounds. After a long battle, the bandits were defeated; all but their leader, who stood head and shoulders above the others, coated in gold and jewels plundered from his victims. He dealt vicious blows, nearly toppling the nuns from their unicycles; but the nuns rallied and charged, surrounding the bandit leader and at length defeating him. In the bowels of the bandit stronghold, they found the wealth of a hundred raids; including the items stolen from Falolot, and the ancient relic of the Unicycle Nuns, the five-armed Unicyclist of Prague.

"So you see," the nuns explain to Falolot, "We have a great deal to thank you for. Were it not for you, we might never have found our sacred relic!"

Falolot smiles, nods, takes his items and makes a polite departure. As he leaves, the nuns tell him one last thing: the Cactus Sage also told them of the location of a spoke of the front wheel of the Great Khan's war-bicycle, in the city of Thebes, many miles away. Falolot smiles again, nods again, gives the nuns his thanks (which they refuse), and bicycles away.

Once out of sight, Falolot sheds his smile for a troubled frown. He is very troubled. He pauses under the shade of a palm and muses to the air, "That was very strange."

"Indeed it was," the air replies.

[End credits roll!]

1 comment:

King Kessler said...

This series is probably the best series ever! It is considerably rad.