Saturday, March 15, 2008

John Edward, Ace Patent Attorney For Hire

"Done!" the judge announced, slamming his gavel. "This is my verdict: guilty. The plaintiff shall be awarded five hundred million dollars. The end!"

John Edward, Ace Patent Attorney For Hire left the room, beaming in triumph. The moneys from this would keep him in business for months. And, more importantly, it would fund his... secret project. John Edward, APAFH was the highest paid lawyer on the market; but he didn't spend the money on mansions or yachts or trophy wives. (Well, not more than one or two, tops.) No, John Edwards had an agenda: and for that, he needed all the money he could get.

Minutes later, he slid into his law office, still beaming. "Judy, tell the others I'll be out for the rest of the day," Mr. Edward told his secretary, who nodded absentmindedly. Walking into the back room, Mr. Edwards put his case down, and picked up the mouthpiece of an unusually bulky-looking telephone. "Over here, it's broad daylight," he said to himself, "But in Cape Town, it's midnight." A soft humming began, and the dial on the telephone began to spin on its own. "The witching hour." The humming intensified as the dial spun faster and faster; Mr. Edwards seemed fade in and out of vision. "The Justice Hour!"

Mr. Edwards had left the office.

John Edwards was not only an excellent lawyer; he was also a phenomal inventor. Using a device of his own design, the "modulator-demodulator", or "modem," he was able to "digitize" himself and travel at the speed of telephone. Once he created it, he knew he could not just sit by - he had to use it for justice! So Mr. Edwards became Johnny E., and traveled to the darkest corners of the earth, to bring the Light of Justice and Copyright Protection to the most afflicted regions, providing they had telephone service. Today: South Africa.

Johnny E. faded in to existence in an unused hotel room. He looked out the windows, then took off his tie. This was no place for a tie. He could sense it.

He found trouble in no time. A gang of street thugs were attacking an innocent waif, trying to wrestle something away from her. Johnny E. would never tolerate such behaviour! Shouting, he cried out, "Get away from her, villains!"

They pulled knives. Johnny E. had no time for that, either - "And neither does my roundhouse kick!" he shouted as he unleashed a devastating blow, sending thugs cascading into one-another like dominoes. They quickly fled.

Johnny E. stooped down, looking at the item the thugs had been trying to steal from the girl. "That's a Walkman," he commented, looking at the girl. "Is it legit?"

She shook her head, still trembling with fear, and held out her hand.

Johnny E. tucked it away in his coat. "Another victory for law and justice!" he declared.

Another victory for law and justice! This is the good that one man, acting alone, may do for the world. Try it yourself!

1 comment:

King Kessler said...

Will do, Mr. Cats!