Sunday, June 08, 2008

From the Night of the Eighth

IT BEGINS:

21:09 me: Sir, the honorable Mr. Zhang, your arch-nemesis, has a message for you.
It follows:
21:10 hello
End message.
Have a lovely evening.
----: hes my arch-nemesis now...?
me: Ever since you stole his love away!
21:11 I don't actually remember which one.
He has ever so many.
Perhaps all of them.
21:12 ----: i don think it counts as stealing if i never had them ._.
me: He brands you a "pimp".
And says you "flirt with all the womons".
As I recall.
That may not be an exact quote.
21:13 ----: ------'s just wondering why he hasn't been talking to him
me: He is now spinning around in circles.
----: her*
me: Agonized.
------?
Oh, now it got worse.
Anyway.
Am I privileged to know who "------" is?
----: david knows
me: "My life is undone," he cries.
I have revealed his best-kept secrets, you see.
21:14 It's not abating.
"Why? Why?"
Now he's attacking my chair.
"Lies, lies!" he cries.
This really isn't helping.
21:15 Oops.
(that was "sincere")
21:16 ----: whats going on again? ._.
me: David is outraged.
I have revealed his secrets.
He roars and weeps in rage and fear.
It's really cool.
I wish I had a mike.
----: i don't think i caught them ._.
but if you say so
21:17 me: "I must commit suicide," he says.
After sticking his fingers in a power strip, he complains "It's not working."
I can't stop laughing!
21:18 "He will undo all my plans."
"He has magical powers, you know."
(This referring to you)
21:19 ----:
er...
me: Then he failed to commit seppuku with a styrofoam bopper-stick.
Oh, right, "He won't let me live this down."
That was the bit after "magical powers".
This is prime stuff!
21:20 I think he might object if I recorded it.
Let's see!
21:22 "Any memory of me is a part of me..."
"And if that part of me is corrupted, then I am corrupted."
"I'm not Marlon Brando!"
"But I'm trying to be because my shirt looks like his."
21:23 "So that's why I'm trying to talk like him."
(He was sort of growling.)
----: growling...you say
me: This has "all" "been" an "elaborate hoax."
(yeah, totally)
"No, no, get rid of the quote marks!"
"Ah, the pain! Oh god! Oh god!"
"noooooooooooooooooo"
SO AWESOME
21:24 The memory thing was relating to how he feared that your "slander" of him (i.e., truth) would "corrupt" ------'s memory of him.
And thus him.
I think.
It's pretty weird.
----: i think i lost you, but okay..
21:25 ------ says that david is nice to her though
me: Okay.
I'll let him know.
It'll only make things worse, though.
----: hm
me: Yup, there he goes again.
----: if it would, then...
....nvm
me: See, know he knows that you know that... something about ------...?
"Ow, my balls!"
Don't know what started _that_.
21:26 I think he injured himself.
"Ow, god, hit it again!"
He really shouldn't crash about so.
"Why do I keep hitting my balls?"
21:31 "he is as a god among men."
"He has a power"
"A very strange power but a power nonetheless"
Then he cut off when he saw what I was typing.
This was referring to you, for reference.
----: i see ._.
21:32 what... is he referring ?
what girl is he referring to anyways?
21:33 me: Not sure.
Could be ------.
It's unclear.
He's had many crushes.
And he never, never refers to anyone by name.
21:34 So it's hard to tell.
To keep things straight.
----: i see..
21:29 Just now, "I must be [?] by your cat."
Shunned? Sinned?
We're not quite sure what he said.
Oh, "soothed."
21:30 -----: OK.
This is highly irregular.
me: It's very David.
21:32 -----: Good that he's in character.
me: "I suggest that, if you wish to keep your liver in your body, that you will rectify this."
"Oh, oh god!"
(that on me typing it.)
21:33 -----: De-liver?
21:34 me: if this was the civil war
and I was the union
and he was the confederacy
and I was, whatshisname, Lincoln
and he was Jefferson Davis, or lee or whoever
(no time for quotes)
(hard to keep up)
21:35 He stopped again.
He keeps seeing me typing!
It's so vexing.
No conclusion!
-----: Sorry.
You need voice recognition.
Tied to IM
me: I do!
"Your cat is very nice," he notes.
Rightly!
-----: Meow
21:36 me: "What are you compiling?" he asks now.
"Oh god!"
21:38 "My god, now it's on the Internet!"21:41 "I tried to be soothed by your cat, but now I'm afraid I might sexually assault it by mistake."21:44 "Your cat soothed me, but before that I read what a womon wrote in your yearbook, and then it hit me - OH GOD NOT AGAIN"I wish I could be a cat now."[he lies on the floor, meowing sadly]

Later he started vomiting!

A fun time for one and all.

One final quote:

"Hey, clothed women! That's almost as good as naked ones."