Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Romance of Mr. Zhang

I. Mssr. David and Ms. Mary met in organic chemistry class.

Both were instantly smitten with the other. Mr. Zhang cast his gaze obliquely Ms. Mary's way - "So beautiful!" he thought. Ms. Mary returned the favor, careful not to be seen doing so (and missing Mr. Zhang's own stares) - "So distinguished!" she thought, practically swooning.

But, by the tragic flaws of their natures, both were too shy to do any more than sit next to each-other! (And barely, that!) Their conversations, when forced, were terse and emotionless, each doing their best to avoid looking at the other. (What if they knew, after all? And what if they didn't reciprocate?)

II. Mr. Zhang and Ms. Mary sat in their respective homes, talking the matter over with friends. (Ms. Mary spoke with a room-mate; Mr. Zhang spoke with a high-school friend by IM.)

"oh god it is so awkward", Mr. Zhang wailed. "aaaagh".

"I just - I can't say anything to him!" Ms. Mary said, pacing the kitchen awkwardly. "God, he must think I'm some frigid b- - ice princess!"

"Look, you've been sulking for weeks over this guy," Ms. Mary's room-mate told her. "It's past time for action."

"okay okay I know what to do", Mr. Zhang's internet-friend sent. "I have a plan."

"But - what should I do?" Ms. Mary and Mr. Zhang asked.

Ms. Mary's room-mate described her plan. "You work in the labs after-hours, and build a solution of biocarbon crystal-solution. It'll look magical - just the thing to catch his heart! Then you watch how he responds. That'll prove it, one way or the other!"

"ok ok ok," Mr. Zhang's internet-friend sent rapidly, in a staccatto series of beeps. "You rap to her. Rock me Amadeus. Falco. In the original costume."

"But - how do I know he'll like it?" Ms. Mary asked.

"what if she hates it?" Mr. Zhang asked.

"Well, he's in your o-chem class, right?" Ms. Mary's room-mate asked. "So he must like o-chem. He'll think it's cool!"

"come on," Mr. Zhang's inter-friend replied. "everyone likes Falco."

And that settled that!

III. They met after class, two days later - Mr. Zhang in full regalia, Ms. Mary with a glass tube containing a shimmering green solution.

Ms. Mary looked at Mr. Zhang. Confusion was visible in her eyes. Why is he wearing that? she thought.

Mr. Zhang looked at Ms. Mary. His thoughts were filled with perplexity. What is she carrying?

"It's... a study aid?" Ms. Mary attemped.

"It's... for a class," Mr. Zhang tried to explain.

Mortified, both fled.

IV. "aaaaaargh"

"oh god"

"now she hate me forever"

(Mr. Zhang relates.)

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god," Ms. Mary cries, bursting into her apartment. "That could not have gone worse."

On prompting, they explain to their respective advisors.

"Wow!" the advisors say. "They were making stuff for you, too! They must actually love you, and just be as shy as you are! Quick, arrange another meeting!"

V. They meet.

They approach, slowly, cautiously.

Then - it's not clear who initiates it - they kiss.

It's long and passionate. They have to gasp for breath when they're done.

Later, they have unprotected casual sex!

This is probably an unwise idea, but who cares? They survive, and live

HAPPILY EVER AFTER

(THE END)

1 comment:

Calvacadeofcats said...

i laughed
i cried
i came