the state of the modern nikolas

In the beginning, there was nothing, and then, there was something. And he was called the Nikolas, and it was good. And in (ca. 1 month) he will be off to the "university", to study the universe, and many other things, that are important to a modern gentleman. And nought but (ca. 1 week) ago, in his domicile, was a young lady, who was pleasant, and well-educated, and of good breeding, and who was less than twenty-and-one years of age, and whom he entertained, with light-hearted discourse, and with reputable amusements, such that a family would find at the world's fair, in 1800, and it was very upstanding. At least, this is what the official records state, in the office of the sovereign. However, it is, as said by a gentleman, of learning, and of discourse, that it was indeed a "dangerous situation, for a single man, and a married woman, to have an intercourse as such, and to be unattended forthwith for several hours, that the intercourse should be manifested in less innocuous forms." And thus what did actually happen?

Let us examine the evidence.

It was, as the records state, not the first occurrence of the lady at the domicile, nor the second time the lady had met in secret with the gentleman, as in discourse, and in the manner of secretive persons. 

So the first meeting occurred at the digression of the husband, and there were indeed two chaperons, such that any such lewd behaviour would not go unnoticed.

However the second meeting, in which he was strangely absent, sought the two alone, in a faraway caravan, at a land of oriental cuisines. And she swooned, and fainted, and went pale, such that she was a ghost, and he carried her to the great-house, and laid her in the bed.

And on the third day, when the young lady entered the house, the man took a bottle, and he sprayed the chambre, such that the lady fell into a deep sleep, and he ravaged her, and he was seen by the priest, who was looking inside the window, and he was hanged in the town square.

Later that night she said to him: "كما تشير بعض الدراسات المتعلقة باللسانيات وعلوم اللغة إلى باعتبار العربية أحد اللغات القديمة و التي نطقت 

And to her said he: "أن أصل الكثير من الكلمات الانجليزية وبالأخص القديمة منها ، ذات أصل عربي "

And the rest goes without saying.