Monday, July 28, 2008

FEASTING ON MEAT

LO, it was decreed. WE MUST FEAST ON THE FLESH OF THE DEAD, AS WE DID IN TIMES LONG PAST. And it was SO.

ON THE DAY BEFORE MEAT DAY, we, the CLAN of the FLYINGBURGHER, went INTO THE WILDERNESS, to find the MEAT which we might USE. So did we purchase meat, MORE than FOOLS advised; we found also FRUIT, and DISTILLED DRINKS, and RICE, more than the FOOLISH FEARED. So much RICE! On our return, our LARDER was STUFFED to BURSTING. Such were the PREPARATIONS FOR MEAT DAY.

ON MEAT DAY, we ROSE AT THE STRIKE OF DAWN, and MADE THE MEAT INTO A FINE MIX, with SPICES, and EGG, and OTHER THINGS. Then was the meat CHILLED, and PRESERVED, for the use when the time came.

The ZHANG came many hours later; with him the others, the PHUNG, the KELSEY. (kelsey!) They ARRIVED IN OUR PARLOUR, and made ENTERTAINMENT, with CANNONS. But the ZHANG was not content; he said, "We should not dally so, wasting our lives away with these meaningless electronic actions. Let us live! Live, to the fullest, as we ever should!"

And WE ASKED HIM, "What else should we do? We can think of no alternative to this life! It is the only one we know!"

And the ZHANG replied, "Let us live! Let us take a road trip! - travel to far San Francisco! - visit the mall!"

And so we DID.

Then was time for FOOD PREPARATION; the ZHANG having left us after our GREAT JOURNEY. (The Prophets teach us about the Great Journey. It's in the Creed of Ali-Baba.) RICE was put in a POT and BOILED and SIMMERED; MEAT was MOLDED, FROZEN, MOLDED AGAIN, and GRILLED. The ZHANG arrived again, left again; the CHU, our most honorable and essential guest, came early, the ZHANG following, stalking like a mantis across the snow-swept tundra; we invited both inside, and FEASTED.

The kebabs were quite tasty. Rice was pretty okay, though the flavouring didn't really show through. Poison sumac was good, though difficult to distribute; we may have to find a better container for next time.

Also, apparently, the ice cream sandwiches tasted good with kebab-bits affixed? I really wouldn't know.

For a time, we partook of ENTERTAINMENTS of a SMASHING sort; the ZHANG did, and the PHUNG, and the KELSEY, and the CHU, and the BROTHERS FLYINGBURGH; for these were those who did FEAST that night. And the hour grew late, worn away with DOWN-B SPAMMING from the FOUL LIGHTNING RAT; we adjourned to film, though there were TROUBLES with SOUND (the KELSEY to blame, for all our troubles must be put on HIS SHOULDERS), and then at last guests receded from our house. The ZHANG and the KELSEY, INSEPARABLE, were the last to leave; each's labour the subject of another post to COME, the ZHANG for a WOMONCARD, the KELSEY for a KELSEYBLOG, the NOVELIZATION of WHICH will be an EPIC to be REMEMBERED.

And now that I've broken the shift key on my keyboard, it's time to bring this post to an end.

Hope everyone had fun! (Sorry about the initial bit, Mr. Zhang - though I'm still not sure if you were serious in your suggestions.)

the end

1 comment:

mr sex said...

an accurate and thrilling depiction of the sausage-fest
i liked the CAPITAL LETTERS