From the Night of the Eighth

IT BEGINS:

21:09 me: Sir, the honorable Mr. Zhang, your arch-nemesis, has a message for you.

It follows:

21:10 hello

End message.

Have a lovely evening.

----: hes my arch-nemesis now...?

me: Ever since you stole his love away!

21:11 I don't actually remember which one.

He has ever so many.

Perhaps all of them.

21:12 ----: i don think it counts as stealing if i never had them ._.

me: He brands you a "pimp".

And says you "flirt with all the womons".

As I recall.

That may not be an exact quote.

21:13 ----: ------'s just wondering why he hasn't been talking to him

me: He is now spinning around in circles.

----: her*

me: Agonized.

------?

Oh, now it got worse.

Anyway.

Am I privileged to know who "------" is?

----: david knows

me: "My life is undone," he cries.

I have revealed his best-kept secrets, you see.

21:14 It's not abating.

"Why? Why?"

Now he's attacking my chair.

"Lies, lies!" he cries.

This really isn't helping.

21:15 Oops.

(that was "sincere")

21:16 ----: whats going on again? ._.

me: David is outraged.

I have revealed his secrets.

He roars and weeps in rage and fear.

It's really cool.

I wish I had a mike.

----: i don't think i caught them ._.

but if you say so

21:17 me: "I must commit suicide," he says.

After sticking his fingers in a power strip, he complains "It's not working."

I can't stop laughing!

21:18 "He will undo all my plans."

"He has magical powers, you know."

(This referring to you)

21:19 ----:
er...

me: Then he failed to commit seppuku with a styrofoam bopper-stick.

Oh, right, "He won't let me live this down."

That was the bit after "magical powers".

This is prime stuff!

21:20 I think he might object if I recorded it.

Let's see!

21:22 "Any memory of me is a part of me..."

"And if that part of me is corrupted, then I am corrupted."

"I'm not Marlon Brando!"

"But I'm trying to be because my shirt looks like his."

21:23 "So that's why I'm trying to talk like him."

(He was sort of growling.)

----: growling...you say

me: This has "all" "been" an "elaborate hoax."

(yeah, totally)

"No, no, get rid of the quote marks!"

"Ah, the pain! Oh god! Oh god!"

"noooooooooooooooooo"

SO AWESOME

21:24 The memory thing was relating to how he feared that your "slander" of him (i.e., truth) would "corrupt" ------'s memory of him.

And thus him.

I think.

It's pretty weird.

----: i think i lost you, but okay..

21:25 ------ says that david is nice to her though

me: Okay.

I'll let him know.

It'll only make things worse, though.

----: hm

me: Yup, there he goes again.

----: if it would, then...

....nvm

me: See, know he knows that you know that... something about ------...?

"Ow, my balls!"

Don't know what started _that_.

21:26 I think he injured himself.

"Ow, god, hit it again!"

He really shouldn't crash about so.

"Why do I keep hitting my balls?"

21:31 "he is as a god among men."

"He has a power"

"A very strange power but a power nonetheless"

Then he cut off when he saw what I was typing.

This was referring to you, for reference.

----: i see ._.

21:32 what... is he referring ?

what girl is he referring to anyways?

21:33 me: Not sure.

Could be ------.

It's unclear.

He's had many crushes.

And he never, never refers to anyone by name.

21:34 So it's hard to tell.

To keep things straight.

----: i see..

21:29 Just now, "I must be [?] by your cat."

Shunned? Sinned?

We're not quite sure what he said.

Oh, "soothed."

21:30 -----: OK.

This is highly irregular.

me: It's very David.

21:32 -----: Good that he's in character.

me: "I suggest that, if you wish to keep your liver in your body, that you will rectify this."

"Oh, oh god!"

(that on me typing it.)

21:33 -----: De-liver?

21:34 me: if this was the civil war

and I was the union

and he was the confederacy

and I was, whatshisname, Lincoln

and he was Jefferson Davis, or lee or whoever

(no time for quotes)

(hard to keep up)

21:35 He stopped again.

He keeps seeing me typing!

It's so vexing.

No conclusion!

-----: Sorry.

You need voice recognition.

Tied to IM

me: I do!

"Your cat is very nice," he notes.

Rightly!

-----: Meow

21:36 me: "What are you compiling?" he asks now.

"Oh god!"

21:38 "My god, now it's on the Internet!"21:41 "I tried to be soothed by your cat, but now I'm afraid I might sexually assault it by mistake."21:44 "Your cat soothed me, but before that I read what a womon wrote in your yearbook, and then it hit me - OH GOD NOT AGAIN"I wish I could be a cat now."[he lies on the floor, meowing sadly]

Later he started vomiting!

A fun time for one and all.

One final quote:

"Hey, clothed women! That's almost as good as naked ones."