The Kronikel of Desmonde: Chaptorre 40

Desmonde wasse bern in the lande that wee know nowe as Isse-launde, tho 't was once a greate clearing the the bushe, whence inhabeted many savage trybes, one of which was the Trybe of Ni-Ko-Las, who ate the bounes of small birdes, but, that is besydes the pointe, indeede, it is the tymes after Isse-launde was inhabited by Gentle-menne, that is the most interesting, and yea, it shalle be discussed in lengthe henseforthe, in this mannere.

In a tyme, before Desmonde weielded the greate Sweorde Durendal, againste the Ratte-Kinge, and use it to cutte off his haires, and his moustaches, and his bearde, he was a man of Greate Learninge, most notably of the rhetorick, and the oratorie skilles, and indeede, he was a estudiante of the locale universitie, and also was there the Kinge Kesslere, who was a small man in That Tyme, and also the younge Nikoulasse, who was unclean, and smelled of the chambre potte. 

Thusly, did Desmonde attend many Classes, and Seminaries, and discussiones, and debates, and quorums, and effigies, and effusiones, and egestiones, and were there divers peoples in those locationes, and did he speake oft to themme, and did he often have dinner parties, in which he would go upon the earthe, and hear the steppes of a lizarde, and sette a trape upon the earthe, and capture the lizarde within, and cut the lizard into smalle pieces, and boil them in hotte watter, and cutte it uppe further, and serve it with salte, and pepper, and juniper barries, and the parties were very populaire, especially with the younge ladies of the towne, and indeed, on one occasion Desmon was tempted to take of of those yonunge ladies up to his bedchambre, and copulate with her, but he was a kinghte, and he should not do such a thing, for it would staine his honour, but, this is besides the pointe.

Yea, one daye, upon the learning-tyme of Desmonde, when the willowe trees shook peasefully, and violently againste the winde, did Desmond sit in his chambre most disconcerted, and he could not imagine the raison why, and he pondered upon his scrolles of the byble, and he remembered the intimate encountre that he had with the nunne, who was from a exotick lande, and who spoke in tongues, and who endeavoured to teach Desmonde the tounges on oft occasines, and who was most blessed with earthlie beauteie, and who was plasante, and kinde, and who, despyte this, Desmonte thoughte of whom was a monke, and not a nunne, at firste, and in which she was very close to taking himme up to the bedchambres and copulating with himme, and the thought of this excited himme, and he stirred in his troussers, however, he resolved not to let his minde wondere, and indeed, he remembered that he had forgoutten his mail-shirte upon the lecture halles of the monastery, and he resolved himme selfe to retreive itte.

And so did he go upon to the monastery, and did he looke upon every shelfe, butte alase, 't was notte there, and he did become most upsette, and distressed, and did he take his dagger, and stabbe the walles repeatedly, and did he consume a possume, and a stick of dried beef meate, and a spoone of larde, and did he curse the divel, and his divers trycks upon the soule, and his decetefulle nature. 

Thusly he resolved him selfe to venture upon the cave of Ke-Se-Ler, who was inhabited by a trybe of savage men, who ate the bounes of smalle birdes, but that is besydes the pointe, and he wente in, and he saw crystales which were azure, and turqiousse, upon the walles of the cave, and upon the floore, such that it glowed with a bisare glowe, and hisse eyes were shined, and it was most extraorniady, and then he entered the sanctumme of the cave, whereupon there was a pedestale, and there was a mail-shirte, and it was made of crystales of azure, and turquoisse, and it glowed with a bisare glow, and Desmonde reached out to picke it uppe, however, there, beheined the poedestal was the Ratte-Kinge Nikoulasse, who saide unto himme, thou shalt not tacke the maile-shirt, for it is myne, and I shall weare 't to cause musch paine and suffereninge. 

Then Desmonde tooke the swerorde Durendall, which was in his pockete, and he slay the Ratte-Kinge Nikoulasse, and he take the Shirt from the pedestale, and he wear it proudly.

Then he wente back to the habitte of the nunne, and he showe her the maile-shirt, and she was very impresed, and she took him upp to the bedchambre, to copulate with himme, but Desmonde, being a kinghte, said that he should not doe thisse, for it would staine his hounour, however, he did aske her to drawe many pictures of her selfe, which were lewde, and lasciviouse in nature, such that he may take of them, and enjoy them in his house, and she did such, and it was goode.