Return of the Guru

The guru, having consulted the aliments and many maladies of young, virile men everywhere, now sat facing his greatest challenge yet.

"Master, you must help me! You see, it is a problem of the...er..."

"Yes, child, I know, I see all. I can see that you have had, shall we say 'problems' in that particular area all your life...unfortunately..."


"Yes, but what does that mean, Master?"

"I truly regret to tell you this but..."


"No! But there must be something I can do!"

"Yes. To overcome your natural ineptness, you shall need a preparation of powerful herbes, mixed such that their alchemy, and the chymistry, shall empower you, and fortify your body, and your bones, and your mind, such that you will be at least ten times the man you were. And you shall become..."

"...and then?"

"Your new powers are not infinite, like that of a true master, fast and strong. They must be renewed, periodicly every so often with the rising of the moon. This renewal must take place at the font of all that is good, and magic. And this font shall be located in a building that is vast, whose rafters will shake with your arrival, trembling at your might."

"Where might such a bizarre and wondrous place be located?"

"Come, I shall show you the way."

And that is why we were often wont to go to the Chop-Bar, to delight in many pleasured spectacles and delicacies from the far-reaches of the Earth, and to renew our soul, and to experience the world anew.